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Am I wrong to use money from child’s father to pay household bills?

Dear Carla,

I am a mother with young child whose father pays $100 a week regularly. I have never really asked her father for extra unless the child needs a large amount of items such as seasonal wardrobe, a small birthday party or something like that. I have now moved out on my own with our child and her father feels that anything he pays shouldn't go towards household bills even though our child eats, uses water, has a roof over there head etc. So now that I am asking for a bit extra to help get our child's summer wardrobe, he is telling me that I am greedy and tells me that I shouldn't have moved even though I had no choice. He keeps saying that I shouldn't be using his money to help with the household bills. I'm not. Since I have our daughter full time, I use the money in any way that benefits her but he doesn't see it that way. Is he wrong or am I?


Dear Keeping,

I think it's six one way, half a dozen each other because I can see where both of you are coming from. However, I think that sometimes the non-custodial parents lose sight of the fact that it is not just clothes and food that go towards the upkeep and nurture of a child. A child also needs shelter, transportation and utilities so in my opinion as long as you are ensuring that the child's needs are being taken care of then what you do with the money is none of his business. How would he feel if you bought groceries for your daughter and put things back because they totalled over $100? I'm sure he'd be upset. As long as you are not using the money on non-essential items like getting your hair or nails done or partying in the clubs, what you do with the money is not his concern — as long as your child benefits.

Dear Carla,

My son's father and I broke up a few years ago. Although we didn't get along after the initial break-up we now have a cordial and respectful relationship. Recently he got married and for some reason his wife doesn't like me. We have never had an argument so I don't understand why. Recently our son's team won a sporting event and I requested that we takes pictures together with our son as a keepsake to him. He was reluctant but agreed. My son then said he wanted to post the pic on his Facebook page. I had no problem with it. A week later, I received a phone call from him saying that "someone" was upset because of the picture. I told him I didn't see the big deal since it was simply commemorating our son's special occasion. He says I should not have allowed our son to post. What do you think?


Dear Irritated,

It sounds like "someone" is insecure. If the picture was for your son who cares what assumptions are made. It was for your son. "Someone" would have to get over it.

Dear Carla,

Should couples owe each other? My girlfriend is constantly asking to borrow money for one thing or another. I don't mind giving to her but she does it on a regular basis and I'm beginning to think she's just using me. And she NEVER pays me back. Whenever I ask her for anything it always seems to be an issue. I'm trying not to get an attitude but every time she asks it just burns me up. I tried telling her how I feel but she just brushes me off. When I say no she says I'm being mean.


Dear Bank,

A person can only do to you what you allow them to. She keeps asking because she knows you are going to give her. If she gets an attitude so what? I think it says a lot about why she is really with you. While I don't think that couples should owe each other, they should also look out for each other as well. No one likes when things are one way.:.especially when they are supposed to have each other's backs.

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Published May 06, 2013 at 9:00 am (Updated May 06, 2013 at 9:29 am)

Am I wrong to use money from child’s father to pay household bills?

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