So many children, so little time, how do you do it Santa?

  • Santa Claus

    Santa Claus

  • Santa Claus

    Santa Claus

On Christmas Eve Santa Claus squeezes his rotund body down an endless number of narrow chimneys and air vents to bring children in the United States their toys. In Belgium, Saint Nicholas rides a horse. In France, Pere Noel places toys in children’s shoes left by the fire. In Denmark, Julemanden has some rice pudding and a saucer of milk at each house. For years, children have pondered the question, how does Santa Claus do so much in one night?

In the past, it was hard to get answers, because Santa has always been one of the most elusive men in the world. Countless polar explorers have trekked all the way to the North Pole to find him and ask him their questions, but never saw him. However, The Royal Gazette’s Jessie Moniz has something they didn’t have, the Internet. She contacted Santa using an online telephone directory, North Pole’s area code is 907. The jolly old man agreed to give The Gazette an exclusive telephone interview.

Q: Okay Santa, here’s the question so many children want to know. How come you don’t get stuck coming down the chimney?

A: I have been doing this for a very long time and I have had to practice at it. There are a few carefully guarded secrets that allow for the activity to happen.

Q: Do you ever get lost?

A: Initially, yes, but then once I decided to ask my wife for directions, I didn’t have problems anymore. She only came with me once. She didn’t get in the way, but she decided to stay home because she had baking to do.

Q: Do you ever get nervous flying through the Bermuda Triangle?

A: I used to be nervous about it, but there are a lot more hazards out there than the Bermuda Triangle. The weather has changed so much over the years I have to be careful where I am flying.

Q: I’ve heard that the polar ice caps are melting. Has this caused any problems for you in the North Pole?

A: We have been a bit more careful about how far out the reindeer travel for play time. They have been walking around in slush sometimes. They don’t seem to mind it too much. The elves don’t like it.

Q: Why not?

A: It makes their shoes wet.

Q: How do you cover the whole world in one night?

A: That is perhaps the best kept secret of mine. One that even still amazes me to this day. I can’t tell you. Sorry. It’s a secret.

Q: When Christmas is over, do you take a vacation?

A: Yes, Mrs Claus and I have been known to go on vacation. We don’t have to go in disguise. Most people would just look at me and say ‘there is someone who looks like Santa Claus’. Mrs Claus and I have been all over the world. I always enjoy my visits to Bermuda at the beginning of the season to star in the Santa Claus parade. That is usually enough to destress me for December. This year we came down on the Air Canada Flight. The kids always get a big thrill out of it. The elves like being left behind because it is a bit of peace and quiet for the weekend.

Q: You seem like you are really putting on the pounds, there Santa. Does Mrs Claus ever ask you to go on a diet?

A: Mrs Claus has been very concerned that I moderate my intake of certain foods, during the year. She knows that I will be enjoying lots of goodies on Christmas eve. Truth be known I am partial to a piece of Cassava pie.

Q: Oh well The Royal Gazette has a low fat Cassava pie recipe in the December 16 issue of Lifestyle. You should try that.

A: That sounds great. We’ll look it up online.

Q: What is your nationality?

A: That one you’ll have to look up on the Internet.

Q: What are some of the more unusual things that children ask you for in their letters?

A: Children ask for lots of unusual things. Often they ask for more touching things that unfortunately Santa is not able to accommodate. They ask for things like providing happy homes, work for parents, and other things that I only wish I could help with. I have seen a lot more worries this year about how mums and dads are going to cope financially during the holiday season.

Q: I understand that the Internet age has hit the North Pole.

A: It has increased the number of letters we have had many times over. I am not able to reply. We have read out many many we have received from the boys and girls. Many children are asking for iPads and Playstations. It is encouraging in this electronic age that perhaps three in every ten letters, children are asking for good old fashioned games like Checkers, Chess, and Monopoly. More important than that I would say, perhaps eight out of ten children that write are asking for books.

Q: Do you read much Santa?

A: I love to read.

Q: Some of your critics have suggested that you may be a little soft on naughty children. Incidences of children getting coal in their stocking seems to be down in recent years. Any comment on that?

A: They can thank Mrs Claus for that. She is much more tolerant than I am. She seems to shift names from the naughty list to the nice list when I’m not paying attention.

Q: I didn’t get my letter in on time this year, will I still get what I want?

A: We always try to do our very best even if we don’t receive the letters on time.

Q: A lot of children are wondering, if they have moved this year, will you find them?

A: I will absolutely be able to find them, that is the last thing they should worry about.

To track Santa’s progress and to count down the hours, minutes and seconds until his arrival go to the website .

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Published Dec 19, 2011 at 8:39 am (Updated Dec 19, 2011 at 8:37 am)

So many children, so little time, how do you do it Santa?

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