Dear Carla: This is definitely one for your column. I would really like some feedback on this.My fiancee and I are planning to get married. We have a venue for our reception, but ran into a bit of a snag as to finding someone to marry us, because he is divorced. We decided to ask a pastor that we felt was “modernised”, be sympathetic to our plight, or at least could recommend someone whom he felt could honour us with this service.Big mistake.In the conversation that we had with him, we were told the following:* We could not be married in that church because he did not think we are “spiritually grounded”.* That he would not be used just because we need a pastor to marry us.* That he cannot marry people who are not “part of the flock that he feeds every week”.* That because we lack foundation (are not spiritual) we are in for a lot of “slams and bumps”.* He proceeded to tell us about another couple that he married in the past who are now currently having problems.* Most of his conversation was held while he looked out of the window. His words were: “Is there anything else? I don’t want to keep you.”We went to him for a consultation. Not once were we offered counselling sessions, invited to attend the church, or anything or the sort. The only thing that he really asked us is if we believed in God or prayed, to which we both replied yes. I wasn’t aware that you had to be part of a church’s congregation in order to pray, or believe in God.In fact, he didn’t even bother to show us to the door when we were getting ready to leave. And we left quietly, and respectfully, mostly out of shock and disbelief.We may not both be part of any one church’s “flock”, or not up to certain people’s expectations of being “spiritually grounded”, but I think that the some of the “shepherds” of some of the “flocks” need to remember that they are looked to for spiritual guidance, not to be judged. How can they hope to lead people to spiritual fulfillment by treating them in this manner? Or by encouraging them to come to their church, and even becoming a potential member?I know that each church may not feel the same way about people who do not attend church on a regular basis, but I do believe that no one deserves to be treated, or talked to, in the way that we were, by any pastor or minister, no matter what the circumstances. It was a very hurtful experience to say the least, and it deeply disturbed both of us. All we were looking for was for someone to perform our ceremony.We have had time to think about what happened, and have had other pastors, and ministers, recommended to us by friends and family. This will not bring us down, or do anything to jeopardise our love, and commitment, to one another.Primarily because we know what we have, and at the end of the day, that’s all that truly matters. But it is a situation that neither of us will ever forget, and has permanently shattered our image of someone whom we once held in high regard. A Wayward” Sheep With Ruffled WoolDear Sheep: Wow is all that I can say. So sad that planning for your special stay is turning into such a headache! I have to ask. is he the only pastor who can marry you? Because, after hearing of his behaviour, I would not want him to come near me with a ten foot pole. Ask around, I’m almost certain that there has to be other, non-denominational churches, that you could be married in, as divorced people get remarried quite often here.One thing I would like to say to share with you is what someone passed on to me. Do not paint all people of the cloth with the same brush. There are awesome God fearing people out there who are going to be appalled when they read how you’ve been treated. Please don’t let this situation turn you away from church.Dear Carla: I was betrayed by my boyfriend. He cheated on me once and I took him back. Since then he has given me an STD yet claims that I gave it to him. I have not been with any other man but him in the last year so I know I have not given him anything. How could he do this to me knowing that he is the guilty? I’ve just finished treatment for the STD and have asked him to wear condoms. He says he is offended; that I am insulting him. I know I am not crazy. I want to get away from him, but he constantly calls, and comes around. And I do love him. We have no children. What do I do? IN LOVEDear In Love: What exactly are you in love with? The drama? This guy clearly does not value you or your physical health, for that matter. So what exactly is the connection? It sounds to me like you have esteem issues. I would suggest you should seek the services of a counsellor, because I think you need outside assistance with seeing that you are much worthier than what you are settling for. As far as you sleeping with him, stop. Condom or not, he is just using you emotionally. Walk away love. No, scratch that. Run.