Dear Carla: I need feedback as I have no more energy to mentally contain this; My dad was amiss my whole life. I never wanted anything but to know what he looked like especially when my grandmother always told me I have his eyes.

In my teen years I pushed to meet him and was met a mixture of harsh resistance and mixed messages. He tried to lead me to believe he had wanted to be there but was continuously encountering “situations” that prevented him from doing so. When I was old enough and making my own money I pushed at it again and finally met the other half of my blood. It was awkward. It was disheartening. It was madness. It was angering. It was A MESS! It was also a wake up call and a cleansing of my soul.

My father was every bit of the disappointment I imagined he might be and 20 times worse. I speak to him once every three years since then and he always leaves the conversation with false proclamations of something called “Love” that he has for me.

When I had my baby he reached out to me after his family (mine as well but his side) kept telling him about his newborn grandchild. He made false promises of help if ever needed ANYTHING he would help. When the time came for him to help he bailed with excuses. Bogus excuses that I found from his family to be bold faced lies. Now he does little things like send me messages accusing me of creating a hostile relationship between him and his family members. They tell me otherwise. I’m really over it. What to do to make him leave me alone? — WANT HIM OUT OF MY LIFE

Dear Out: Dealing with issues of the heart when it comes to parents is no easy feat. Especially when it involves feelings of abandonment. There comes a time in one’s life when one must release their parents for hurting them as children, as it can no longer be allowed to be a controlling factor in their life. Firstly, you must forgive your father. As a person who always held on to resentment for long periods of time I am finally understanding what people meant when they said “forgiveness is not for them but for you”.

It is so true, so try to dig deep and forgive him. In light of you having a child now, I don’t think you should cut your father out of your life. Allow him to have a new beginning as such and let him be a part of his granddaughter’s life. But attach some conditions. Such as; If he is going to do things to cause her emotional turmoil as she gets older, like he did you, then he will not have a place on her life.

The last thing you want is for him to continue the cycle of heartbreak. Be fair to him because sometimes absentee or not so great dads turn into awesome grandfathers. I would also suggest you try to find a peaceful space for him in your life, a space where you can deal with him without hurt. Could be a weekly phone call or a 15-minute weekly visit. It may be possible right now because of how you feel but work towards getting there. Don’t worry about what he’s saying to the family. If they know you they will see through his lies. Often people lie in order to cover up their guilt. But remember what they do in the dark always comes out in the light.

Dear Carla: My boyfriend was caught cheating on me on more than one occasion. The first time I forgave him because people do make mistakes but once I found out he was doing it again I it him off instantly. I have no desire to take him back. I want to be his friend but we can’t ever be lovers again. I’ve told him this but he gets mad. Whenever he reaches out to me I respond but I’ve made it well known that I do not want him around me physically. And again he gets an attitude. He’s really starting to irritate me but I don’t want to fight with him. What should I do? — DON’T FEEL LIKE FIGHTING

Dear DFLF: From where I am sitting there is nothing to fight over. He needs to respect your decision, plain and simple. Sounds like he’s a bit controlling. Maybe you should rethink communicating with him because it sounds like he can’t handle being just your friend. Maybe the friendship can redevelop in a few months.

Dear Carla: How do I tell one of my friends that they have bad breath? Every time we go somewhere together I am embarrassed for her that her breath smells the way it does. I don’t have the heart to tell her but I cringe every time she faces me. I love her to death but not her breath. What do I do? — P.U.

Dear P. U: If you are really close friends then you should just be able to come out and tell her. “Hey Molly, you brushed ya teeth today cause it sure don’t smell like it!” That’s how me and my close friends are. We have NO boundaries. Sometimes we get upset with each other but we get over it. If I was her I would rather my friend tell me than some guy I was trying to meet. Tell her.