Dear Carla,

I have been in a relationship for five years. We have a beautiful child together. He is a good provider and good father to our child but he has a major problem that I can’t stand. He sleeps around with other women. And the worst part is he is not secretive about it. While I may not know who the women are personally, he tells me when he has a friend. He has also made it clear that he loves me but he does not believe that a man should only sleep with one woman and because he does it does not make him love me any less. When we first got together I told him I was okay with it because I didn’t think we’d ever reach the level we are at now, but now I want him to stop. I see no reason for him to need or want other women and this situation is eating me to the core. I’ve told him how I feel only for him to brush me off. I love him but not his lifestyle. But he is a good man in any other way. What do I do?

FIRST LADY

Dear First Lady,

You have done what so many women have and will continue to do ... tell a man we accept something that we really don’t. Then get upset when it happens. He told you from the beginning what he was about so by are you upset now? You should have never condoned his actions because there is no way that he is going to turn back now no matter how much you tell him. Funny how some men do not see a correlation between sex and love. In fact a male friend said to me just the other day, “Women need to understand that a man can love a woman and have sex with another.” And he meant it. I keep hearing the animal analogy as well ... that men are not biologically built to be loyal. Blah. Blah. Blah. A man (and women too when applicable) will only do what he is allowed to do. And you gave him full permission so why are you complaining now? I just hope that should you decide to remain with him that you are insistent he practices safe sex. Your life depends on it.

Dear Carla,

I am single and struggling to survive. I work but make barely enough to pay the bills. I feel that I am attractive. Men are always chasing me but I have no desire to settle down. Men who I am close with know my situation and offer to help me out. And yes I accept. When I want male company they are also ones who I turn to. My best friend says I’m prostituting. I don’t see it that way. What do you think?

INNOCENT

Dear Innocent,

I smiled when I read this because this is a topic that always seems come up from time to time. Are you prostituting ... depends on who you ask. Some may feel that you are because these “friends” are giving you things/money and you are sleeping with them. But on the other hand, you could just be surviving by any means necessary. If the sex is in direct exchange for the gifts then yes, I would consider it prostitution. If you can live with it then do you. But understand that while these men claim to be your friends they could be just using you for their own benefit.

Dear Carla,

I am broke and unemployed and feel like I am entering into a depression. I want to give up but I’ve never been a quitter. I feel hopeless. I think I need professional help but don’t have insurance. Help!!

DEPRESSED

Dear Depressed,

You are not alone. Many people are experiencing feelings similar to yours and with Christmas right around the corner it may get worse. Firstly, count your blessings. They are there, you just have to look. I’m not a religious fanatic but I receive great peace by praying. I also find quiet time and reflect on where I’ve been and where I would like to go. There are many helping agencies out there that could offer you assistance despite your lack of money. Ask around. Have you considered volunteering? Although you won’t get paid the rewards are endless. Wishing you nothing but the best.

Dear Carla,

I catch the bus every morning to go work. EVERY morning it annoys me as I watch all these children watch PAYING adults stand, some drivers refusing to move until adults are offered a seat. The sad part is more often the GIRLS offer seats. I was disgusted this morn to watch three children from the same school laugh and turn their heads while a lady fumbled to hold on and keep balance. Yup, as I so often do, got up so she could sit. Where have our morals gone? What are the expectations of children who ride FREE!!! And yes, my son WOULD get up because that’s the way he’s been raised.

STAND UP

Dear Stand Up,

Some young people have not been taught any differently so while that was a norm for you growing up it isn’t for them. Instead of getting mad at them have you considered speaking to them with respect and explain the importance of respecting their elders? The next time this happens nudge the young man closest to you to give up his seat. You never know what will happen until you try.