Marriage as an institution is in a fight for its life.

That’s the word from marriage guru and author Dr Harold Arnold who was in Bermuda this week to speak at a gala dinner tomorrow as part of International Marriage Week Bermuda.

Dr Arnold is the author of Marriage ROCKS for Christian Couples and the Marriage ROCKS for Christian Couples Leader’s Guide. He and his wife, Dalia, are the founders of Discovering Family International (DFI), an organisation that aims to educate and empower healthy, God centred family life.

In the United States the average age for getting married is 27, the highest it has ever been, in the last year only 32 out of every 1,000 single women married, and the marriage success rate is about 50/50. Bermuda isn’t far behind.

When The Royal Gazette asked one long-time minister what couples could do to improve their marriages, the minister replied: “Get married”.

“The trend in the United States seems to be following that in Western Europe,” said Dr Arnold. “There is a greater propensity towards not getting married or cohabitating. A lot of it is purported to be a growth of individualism and lack of commitment. Some of it is modelling. If you are raised to grow up in an environment where you are not around a two-parent traditional marriage, you are more likely to do what you grew up seeing.”

He said people who grow up hearing about the benefits and wonders of marriage are more likely to get married themselves.

“It is that modelling piece that is important,” he said.

Dr Arnold said very often external factors are blamed for why marriage is struggling as an institution, but he believed people have to look within. Sometimes basic selfishness is a culprit.

“I think a lot of people can’t get themselves out of their own way,” he said. “They can’t see beyond themselves. I recommend Rick Warren’s book Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For. It is not about you. Today, a lot of people are more concerned about themselves than they are about others. It is a question of priority.”

He said people needed to look at how much time they scheduled for their relationships with spouses, family members and children.

“Half of marriages in the United States make it and half don’t, whether you are Christian or not,” he said. “But you have to look at the numbers underneath. One survey found that only 60 percent of people who were married said they were very happy in their marriage. There is a failure to thrive. That percentage could be higher.”

Dr Arnold met his wife Dalia when he was studying information technology at Howard University as undergraduate. When they were in the early years of their marriage they noticed that several of their friends and family were struggling with their marriages.

“My wife and I were befuddled as to what to do to help,” said Dr Arnold. “We were young in our marriage. Now we are at 25 years.”

An interest in helping sent Dr Arnold back to school. He now has a master’s degree in marriage counselling and a doctoral degree in Social and Organisational Psychology.

His book, Marriage ROCKS is about couples reconciling their faith with their relationship journey.

“So often there is a disconnect between what we profess from a faith perspective and what we live out in our relationships,” he said. “Marriage ROCKS is intended to fill that gap while handling more practical pragmatic aspects of marriage.”

Dr Arnold is a senior marriage and relationship columnist for Called Magazine. He has also contributed articles to Focus on the Family,

Saved Magazine, and Rejoice Magazine, among many others. He also trains Marriage and Family Leaders using a highly interactive and entertaining Redemptive Leadership workshop. He has served as executive director for the Christian Coalition for Black Marriage and Family where he led a national initiative to positively influence African American families. For more information see www.haroldarnold.com.

Dr Arnold speaks at a black-tie, five-course gala dinner at the Grotto Bay Hotel today from 6.30pm to 9.30pm. Tickets are $160, available at 293-2903 or at heart2heartbda@gmail.com.