With just three weeks to go until the deadline, a good pal and I are in the throes of writing a short play together to submit to the BMDS, ‘Famous for Fifteen’ playwriting competition. Always up for a fun creative challenge, and as with everything, this too has proven to be a learning opportunity.

Years ago, a creative writing teacher gave me a piece of advice: ‘be specific — good writing is in the details’. An author can write: ‘he takes a drink’ …

Or they can tell us ‘through the slowly disintegrating straw, Max slurped his now tepid Pina Colada, a little umbrella poking him in the eye’.

Ernest Hemmingway said, “Details make stories human, and the more human a story can be, the better.”

I think the same is true for our experiences. It is the details that make them. But if I’m not paying attention I can be quite oblivious to what is going on around me. Stuck in my head I get wrapped up in thoughts about work, plans I’m making, or conversations I’ve come from — things I should have said or will say next time. I can look without even seeing.

I am not alone. My son, for example, it seems has developed the knack of tuning out my voice completely, even as its volume increases exponentially. How aware are you of the details that surround you? Here is neat little test that has been knocking around a while:

Without looking at your watch, can you describe it?

What colour is the face of the watch?

Are the numbers Roman numerals or regular Arabic numbers?

Does it have a second hand? Do the hands rotate smoothly or tick?

Are there words written on the face? If so, are they capitalised or not?

I must look at my watch umpteen times a day, but I still couldn’t answer all these correctly.

Sensory acuity is our ability to acquire input from our various senses (visual, auditory, olfactory, gustatory and kinaesthetic). We think we do this automatically, but these are skills we can build and develop. There can be multiple benefits from honing our sensory perception. This is something I began working on as part of my coach training. When working with clients, it is helpful to be able to pick up on shifts in body language, modulations in the voice, changes in energy, breathing, even in the colour-tone of their skin. These are often unconscious indicators that our conversation has touched on something that has affected them, which we can then explore more fully. I’m not trying to interpret these reactions or make assumptions, simply notice what I notice.

Taken to extremes, one can develop the CSI-type acuity of noticing the colour of the cat hair on someone’s trouser-leg and the dilation of their pupils when specific words are mentioned. This is most definitely not me. But even at its most basic, spending time tuned into our senses can open up a world that can otherwise go un-noticed.

It takes practice. One exercise recommended during my studies was to spend a day in each of my different senses — a day of looking and noticing everything I can visually. A day of listening, not just to voices and the obvious but alternating between distant noises, middle ground noises and then the immediate sounds of even my own breath. A day of really tasting and savouring, a day of detecting nuances through the nose, and a day of feeling, noticing what’s going on inside the body and sensations created by external influences.

I don’t find it the easiest thing to do. My mind tends to wander back into itself and get caught up with inner dialogue and chatter. Part of the challenge is to notice this and redirect back to the sense. It is a bit like meditation in that way, and the results can be breathtaking.

I practice from time to time, most recently in the park, tuning into my different senses in turn. I became suddenly aware of all the details around me: the diversity of each plant and flower, the striking contrast of shape, texture and colour. I could feel the air on my skin as I moved and the expansion of my breathing. I heard distinct bird-calls and could detect the variations in the rustle of wind depending on which leaves it touched. There were scents of jasmine, earth and a hint of far-off rotting toad. It was all there surrounding me, but five minutes before, all I had been aware of was the shopping list I was creating in my head.

Relationship too, is in the details.

The other day, a lady whom I see when walking my dog of a morning, stopped to ask me, “How did he do?”

It took me a moment, ‘Who?’

“Your son in Sports Day?”

She had remembered, from several days before, my passing comment about the weather because of it. I barely know her and was incredibly touched that she had picked up on that detail and thought to ask about it. It illustrated to me that connection comes from observing details and relationship grows from sharing them and caring about them.

Someone paying attention to our details gives us the feeling of being heard, known, looked-after and respected. It is a key building block of positive relationship and is what happy families/partners/friends will do for each other, often on a subconscious level. Good sales people and customer service experts know and utilise this too.

It is when complacency sets in and the details get tuned out, overlooked or otherwise assumed that relationship can breakdown. This is all too easy with familiarity and getting caught up in the day-to-day, stuck in our heads. Intimacy, in part, is a detailed knowledge of another. Taking the time to reconnect with the people in our lives, looking at them and really seeing them, observing the spoken and unspoken particulars of their current experience, and acting on that where possible, can go a long way to strengthening the bonds of any relationship. It’s often the little things that matter most.

If, as Shakespeare said, ‘all the world’s a stage’ … for the sake of injecting a boost of vitality for ourselves and our relationships, we can benefit from getting back in touch with our sensory acuity. And as we write the scripts of our lives, let’s get specific and be sure to include the details.

Julia Pitt is a trained Success Coach and certified NLP practitioner on the team at Benedict Associates. For further information contact Julia on (441) 705-7488, www.juliapittcoaching.com.