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More ‘equitable’ divorce laws could lessen social problems — ChildWatch

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Childwatch founder: Edward Tavares

Helping dads to be more involved in their children’s lives after parents separate could reduce the number of Bermuda’s youths with behavioural and emotional problems, according to a fathers’ rights group.

ChildWatch founder Edward Tavares believes fewer youngsters would be tempted by gangs or drugs and would do better at school if they had a constant father figure.

He said Bermuda needed “more equitable” laws that focused on joint custody for parents and mediation rather than favouring mothers and neglecting the rights of dads.

“We need to have laws in place for shared parenting, it’s best,” Mr Tavares said. “It’s not about one parent being primary or secondary, children need both. Research shows they do better when both are involved.

“Fathers get a bad deal. We’re not all perfect but a lot of fathers want to do the right thing.

“Around the world, data shows most prisoners are from single-parent families — same with teen pregnancies, behavioural problems, drug abuse.

“I know a young man who was getting into trouble — his dad left and that was eating into him. I told him to talk to him.

“He found him to be opposite of what he had been told and they have a good relationship now.

“Children dealing with these kind of emotions, like losing a parent, they lack self-esteem, are getting into trouble and a lot go to drugs. There is poor performance at school.

“Shared parenting would solve a lot of Bermuda’s problems and a lot of countries know that’s the way to go.

“In Australia, parents are urged to share responsibility on a 50/50 basis, or 60/40, each case is judged on its own merit. Mothers want a break too, at times, and everybody has to make a living. A father might have more time than a mom. We need to get to those terms.”

In Bermuda, about six percent of households are single-parent families, according to the 2013 Household Expenditure Survey Report, although the 2010 Population and Housing Census found 12 percent of all households were lone parents.

Mr Tavares said the law should help fathers to remain a major part of the children’s lives and to be more than “an ATM”.

“Money always comes into play,” he said. “We’ve seen cases where dads are told, ‘if you’re not paying this amount you’re not having the child’.

“A child needs more from a father than money. It strikes the heart of a parent when you’re relegated to a visit.

“When a father is more involved he gives and does more. There are fathers who don’t fulfil their responsibilities but most want to.

“Parents should work together for the sake of their children even if they are living apart.

“Put your personal feelings and differences aside — it’s not about you but about what your child needs and should have.

“They should have both parents and their extended family, like grandparents.

“A father loves his children just as much as a mother and neither one should be excluded.”

Mr Tavares cited the case of a man he is currently helping — he has split from his wife and has been told to leave the marital home.

“This gentleman has been told to leave his house with just the clothes on his back. Their child is an infant,” he said. “He doesn’t know when he can see his baby.”

ChildWatch has been lobbying the current and previous Government for changes to the Children’s Act based on a shared parenting model.

The group believes this “could save thousands of dollars” in court costs and welfare bills alone.

“Government is supportive and said they would introduce shared parenting in the Throne Speech but it hasn’t seen the light of day,” Mr Tavares said. “We just get lip service.”

The Government said in November’s Throne Speech that it “identified a need to incorporate a family mediation component into the Children Act”.

The Ministry of Culture, Community and Sports said the courts would be required to provide mediation before issuing co-parenting orders and to consider mediation in custody and access disputes.

It also said provisions to the Children’s Act would be introduced for “co-parenting orders that recognise the importance of both parents in children’s lives”.

A spokesperson for the Ministry said “Government remains committed to address this issue”.

“This will be a significant piece of legislation and we need to ensure that we get it right. Drafting is in progress and the timing seems to be on track for tabling of the legislation during the fall session of Parliament.”

The Family Centre — which offers programmes and prevention initiatives to help children suffering from family based problems such as abuse, neglect or emotional issues — also supports shared parenting, providing both parents are capable and there has been no neglect or abuse.

“We’re absolutely in favour, it’s always about a healthy environment for children,” said Family Centre executive director Martha Dismont.

“But women and men can keep children from the other spouse because of unhealthy situations, so we support shared parenting but it needs to be healthy — when you’re supporting each other.

“Children need, if possible, a male and female role model, or two parents. You need more than one perspective on raising a child.”

Mr Tavares said the benefits of shared parenting were advocated by, among others, Dr Linda Nielsen, a professor of educational and adolescent psychology at Wake Forest University in the US.

Her research brochure for the American Coalition for Fathers and Children states that, in the US, only 15-20 percent of parents share parenting after divorce.

She says fathers contribute as much as mothers to a child’s well-being and that the majority of divorced fathers wanted more time with their children.

Dr Nielsen also states that “kids with too little fathering are more likely to have problems throughout their lives related to father absence than kids whose fathers remained actively involved after the parents stop living together”.

However, ongoing research in the UK may contradict the idea that children suffer without both parents.

A project funded by the Economic and Social Research Council (ESRC) entitled The Changing Nature of Lone Parenthood and its Consequences, led by Dr Susan Harkness of the University of Bath, is looking into how “the circumstances of lone parent families and their children has changed”.

The research brief suggests that while children in lone-parent families are often considered to do less well than those in families that are intact, and are associated with unemployment and poverty, “much of the evidence on which this view is based is derived from old data which fails to recognise the extraordinary pace of social change that has taken place in recent decades”.