Walking through a remote, Devon country pub last week, I glance up and notice that nailed above the door, almost missable, there is a painted wooden board that reads: “Happiness is not a destination, it is a way of life”.

I do love it when the universe converges to reflect exactly what’s on my mind, or I’m presented with just what I need to know at that given moment.

I have been basking in a happiness bubble as of late. On my holidays I’ve had a really nice time, spending it with people I adore, indulging in treats ...

And as I soak up the pleasure and contentment and moments of joy, not to seem ungrateful, I wonder how I can get more of the same, knowing that life can’t just be spent on perpetual vacation.

So I continue my exploration of the meaning of Happiness and how one exactly goes about making it ‘a way of life’. Following on from last week, here are the next questions in Dr Robert Holden’s, ‘Happiness Interview’.

The invitation remains to grab a pen and seek our own answers.

Who is the happiest person you know? What specifically have they taught you about happiness?

To be honest, I’m not sure I know that many ‘happy’ people. We don’t tend to talk about our happiness among each other.

We talk about our misery: the gaps, where life falls short, how exhausting it is that our plates are so full, the long list of things that we have ‘to do’ or ‘to be’ in order for us to be happy (richer, thinner, tidier, better dressed, married, divorced employed … etc). So I don’t know who’s happy.

I do have one dear friend though, who certainly stands out as being the most content. I have often looked to her for her secret. Here are six things I’ve learned from her so far:

1. ‘Work’ (effort, endeavour and elbow grease) can also be part of happiness — that happiness is not only about comfort and what comes easily.

2. Embracing and championing our real desires, our inner wishes, our preferred nature (our authenticity) is the way to personal satisfaction.

3. Surrounding ourselves with things we find beautiful, that we care about and care to look after and treat well, and taking the time to do small things we love, will soothe our soul and afford us pleasure.

4. Sticking to our standards (the standards we have taken time to formulate for ourselves, based on what we believe in) will result in pride in ourselves and our work.

5. To aim for the best, our ideal, then scale backwards from there if necessary. Don’t start out by shooting for mediocre.

6. It’s all in how you frame it — if we set ourselves up to win, we will. By putting conditions and caveats on what will make something fun, or enjoyable or a good time, leaves us open to disappointment and is a set-up to lose.

If we can view it that just ‘getting out there’ and ‘trying’ is a win in itself … we are up from the start.

What are the three wisest lessons you have learned about happiness in your life so far?

For me they are these:

1. Happiness is not about the circumstances.

The memory I shared last week was a moment I experienced in the midst of living through a painful, acrimonious and protracted divorce. Circumstances have probably never been more difficult for me as they were then, yet joy was still accessible.

2. Happiness is triggered from within.

On a jog, my second week after moving home to Bermuda, I came puffing over the crest of a hill, saw the blue sky, felt the warm sun and experienced a connection with the light and beauty all around me.

I was filled with almost overwhelming appreciation. Pure joy bubbled up inside me.

I have seen that same sky, that same light countless times and yet I do not always react that way. There is a mindset to it.

I have no firm grasp on exactly how it works, but it’s like a lens through which, when we really see and appreciate the world, we unlock that happiness.

3. Not being unhappy and avoiding pain, are not the same as happiness.

Distracting ourselves from the causes of hurt in our lives (be it through food, people, television, shopping, booze, workaholism etc) just wards off unhappiness, and usually only for a limited time.

It may feel like a good short-term alternative to facing the truth and being our authentic self in that moment, which otherwise might seem scary.

But that nagging lack that we are not honouring our true-selves seems to keep reappearing until we do.

What are the things you hoped would bring you happiness but didn’t? What did you learn?

Various jobs, a marriage, shopping, a super hot guy, a Master’s degree, being invited to fancy parties, getting certain gifts, moving countries, having designer labels, holding on to stuff, eating cream cake …

I expected the happiness in these things to be instantaneous — that I’d get them and ‘be happy’. With a couple there was perhaps some immediate gratification, but the happiness was fleeting.

There was always more pleasure in the idea of them than the actuality.

These things, in fact, brought mostly disappointment, when my expectation of happiness wasn’t fulfilled by them.

I’ve learned that the things I do, the people I meet and what I acquire along the way only provide happiness in the appreciation of them.

This can sometimes take time and distance, and always requires active participation. It’s not the things themselves that bring the happiness, it’s the way I feel about them.

I can’t turn up, empty-handed, expecting someone or something else to make or be my happiness, as much as that is an appealing thought.

It is a huge paradigm shift to recognise that I cannot be passive about my happiness: that a knight in shining armour or a fairy godmother isn’t going to swoop down and make everything ‘happy’, however easy and nice that sounds.

And that all the working and achieving and the searching and the acquiring and the owning and possessing or the outside recognition or the spotlight, or the flash and bling won’t bring it either.

That wherever I go, it’ll be me that’s there: my geography alone won’t change my happiness status.

So what will? All the ‘stuff’ aside, how do I just be happy? Have you figured it out? I feel I’m closer to understanding.

Pieces of the puzzle are coming together, but there’s still a long way to go. Then the message tacked above that doorway comes to mind. Happiness is not a destination … and my journey to making it ‘a way of life’ is only just underway.

The inquiry continues.

Join me for the final few questions from the ‘Happiness Interview’ next week.

Julia Pitt is a trained Success Coach and certified NLP practitioner on the team at Benedict Associates. For further information contact Julia on (441) 705-7488, www.juliapittcoaching.com.