My mother once had this dream about me. I was playing in a concert at City Hall. Looking at the programme she saw that all the other performers had lots of credentials and accolades after their names, PhD, CPA, LLD, MBE and so on. She was worried for me, then looking down at mine she saw, of anyone, I had the longest list of letters after my name by far. After the show she asked me what all the accomplishments were, and I replied that I had just listed the initials of my dearest friends.

This made me smile. Sounds like the sort of thing I’d do. And isn’t it true? Aren’t we who and where we are today, in part, due to the friends who have accompanied, supported, guided, witnessed, challenged, commiserated and celebrated along the way?

I certainly have only managed “to get by with a little help (and in some cases, quite a lot) from my friends”. These past two weekends are just an example. Nothing reveals true friends like a crisis. While we were all cleaning up, battening down hatches, preparing and repairing, I was incredibly touched by the generous time and effort that my lovely friends showed in the run-up and aftermath of these storms.

We all had our own stuff to do, but still people made time to stop by, roll-up sleeves, help me. Or they were at the other end of the phone, checking-in, making sure I was all right. Things that would have been impossible alone — stowing outdoor furniture, making room in the garage — with friends there, didn’t take long. They were a strong set of hands when I felt weak; company and levity when I was starting to wig-out and moral support mopping up tears and a flooded floor.

And in those dark, scary hours, as the winds battered seemingly relentlessly up here on the hill, and I was foolishly trying to hold windows and doors from blowing in, there were moments that I felt very lonely and frightened. Yet the “beings” from my phone as texts came in, sending love and courage, were relief and comfort reminding me that, in the greater scheme, I am not alone.

Next day, friends were back — to literally pick up the pieces. I invited some over for dinner and hot showers, to spread my electrical good fortune (thank you again, Belco!). Even though they’d spent the day cleaning up their own place (including missing roof) they insisted on getting straight to work again, helping me unpack, open up and reset.

It has long been recognised that our social bonds and relationship networks are indeed a vital part of our well-being. Recently, much research has been done on the subject. Friends, it seems, are good for our health. Strong relationships actually boost our immunity and cut chances of depression. They increase our sense of belonging and purpose, improve self-confidence and self-worth, relieve stress, and have even been shown to lengthen our life expectancy.

Friends can encourage positive change and help us avoid unhealthy lifestyle choices. Tom Rath, in his book, Vital Friends: The People You Can’t Afford To Live Without, cites studies showing those who have best friends with healthy diets are five times more likely to eat healthily themselves and that “lack of quality friendships” is named as one of the biggest contributors to personal crises including marriage breakdown and self-destructive behaviour like overeating and excessive alcohol consumption, etc.

Each friend brings something different to our lives. Rath suggests doing a “friendship audit” where we look at what each friend provides and the needs they fulfil, to fully appreciate and strengthen our bonds with that individual. I have one friend, for example, that makes me laugh so hard my belly aches. Another, my kindred spirit, is my creative confidant and daydreaming buddy. I’ve another who leads by example and inspires me to try harder, and one who’s the epitome of welcoming and makes me feel at home whenever I am with her, yet another who organises me, catches my shortfalls and helps me laugh at my own limitations. Different friends model the attributes I most highly revere: positivity, generosity, hard work, authenticity, kindness. They are people I want to be like so want to spend time with. In turn, they seem to accept me just as I am. Good days and bad, I always walk away from them with lifted spirits.

I have friends who have literally saved my life: there in the darkest times, stood by me, even put a roof over my head and always offered a willing hand. I often marvel at how lucky I’ve been with the good people who have appeared in my life, just when I needed them most, who I am able to call “friend”.

But joy comes not just from having good friends, but being a good friend. Studies show that happiness is boosted more by providing support to others than receiving it ourselves. We get pleasure from making other people happy and benefit most from friendships when there is give and take.

What is something good you’ve done for a friend recently? How good did that feel?

Our friendships take nurturing. Several of my friends are overseas and it’s just too easy, with busy lives, to let communication slip. While I know with “Besties” we can always pick up where we left off, a lot of life can happen between visits, and to truly be there for someone, we need to know what’s going on with them. This is where I need to pull up my socks. I am notoriously bad at answering e-mails, sending birthday cards, making those calls I keep meaning to, to friends here, living just a few streets away. So Dorset, Scotland, California seem light-years off. But one thing I’ve noticed this weekend: good friends make the effort.

It’s an effort I intend to make. Perhaps it doesn’t have to be an epistle, just a text to say “hi — thinking of you”. What small, generous acts can I do? There’s not a crisis everyday (thank goodness) so how can I be as good a friend as I’ve experienced, fair weather and foul?

Four simple ways to strengthen relationship bonds (and build new ones, if you are trying to make friends):

•See people often — the “mere exposure effect” says that the more we see of someone, the more we tend to like them.

•Engage in shared interests — joining/creating groups of like-minded people (book-clubs, fitness activities, volunteering opportunities) encourages friends together with a purpose.

•Extend and accept invitations — make reasons to get together and say “yes” to new opportunities.

•Be friendly — what have friends done for you? Do that.

Thank you to all those wonderful folks who have demonstrated to me the true meaning of friendship. If a measure of a person is by the quality of their friends, then no wonder I’m so tall.

Julia Pitt (RPC, JF, EJB, BM, AH, SO, SS, SJB, BW, JM, KAM, JL, MDB :-) is a trained success coach and certified NLP practitioner on the team at Benedict Associates. For further information contact Julia on (441) 705-7488, www.juliapittcoaching.com.