Dear Dr Nekia,

I know that this may be a bit off topic for this column but what would you say is the biggest failure of our education system? I have a son who is doing better in school now that he is on a low dose ADHD medication but I notice that he is more to himself and not his regular loving self.

Sincerely,

ADHD Mom

Dear ADHD Mom,

Personally I would say that the biggest failure of our education system would be our insisting on training our children to memorise and regurgitate information while discouraging creative critical thinking. We teach them to sit still in a vegetative state for hours, instead of encouraging active experience and hands on application. We teach them to seek affirmation and information from outside of themselves which carries on into adulthood. This is expressed by our laziness to seek and study truths while expecting others to tell us what we want to know. This is also seen in how we blindly follow authority in government, medicine, and religion, believing what we are told. Our minds never truly develop to their full potential.

Dear Dr Nekia,

Whenever I touch my wife’s lower back she jumps and her back looks like it is doing a rippling motion. This happens no matter how gentle I am with her. The doctor said that there is no medical reason for this, and it mostly happens during sex or intimacy. Why?

Sincerely,

Can’t Touch

Dear Can’t Touch,

The two main reasons why this occurs is due to neurological disorders and sexual abuse or rape. Because the lower back is a very vulnerable and sensitive area of the body, such a reaction is really common among women who were molested as young girls who also have suppressed their memory of the traumatic event(s). Light touch may actually trigger this now hypersensitive area even more so then a firm touch.

Dear Dr Nekia,

My girlfriend is really insecure. I try my best to be a good man and prove myself to her, but the more that I try is the more that she doesn’t trust me. I know that her last boyfriend cheated on her and I feel like she is punishing me for his mistakes. Should I leave her alone or should I help her get over her hurt?

Sincerely,

Not Trusted

Dear Not Trusted,

Unfortunetly this is a common issue in today’s relationships. In all honesty there is nothing that you can do to help her to heal from her hurt until she is first aware of, and ready to accept the need for her to move on in every way. She may have found the strength to physically move on but she is still very much emotionally involved in her previous relationship. She is hanging on to and is reliving the failed relationship over and over every time that she thinks that she sees similar behaviours in you. So you may be innocently triggering unhealthy emotional responses within her. unfortunately your relationship with her is doomed to fail if she does not choose to seek help in completely letting go of her ex. None of her relationships will last or be happy until she does this.