A weekend of chocolate hearts and flowers? Mine, not so much.

I’ve always equated Valentine’s Day with New Year’s, a day laden with expectation, therefore likely to disappoint. This year, though, it just sailed by unnoticed. What did thrill my heart and quicken my pulse, however, was the discovery of a better day: February 13th … International Self-Love Day. Yes, it’s an actual thing.

It’s designed, I guess, to remind us that we are truly loved and cherished, irrespective of whatever may or may not come to pass the next day that is, if we are practising self-love — which, I dare say, not enough of us are.

We beat ourselves up, criticise ourselves for the things we’ve done or haven’t done, our failings and our flaws; we compare ourselves with others, let people treat us badly and put everyone else’s need before our own.

Identify with any of this behaviour? Sadly, I certainly do. This is the opposite of self-love.

So, what is? Beyond self-esteem, self-love is self-compassion.

It looks a bit like being our own very best friend. Being kind to ourselves, especially when we’re down (rather than kicking ourselves harder); accepting and celebrating ourselves for who we are — as we are. Cutting ourselves some slack. Speaking nicely to ourselves. Not accepting any less than the treatment we would wish for someone we truly loved. Would you let someone treat your friend, your child or your lover like that?

This includes how others treat us and how we treat ourselves, mind, body, and soul.

We do it for others, so why not ourselves? Taught from day one to be nice and help everyone else, we are told that selfishness and pride are bad. These messages, though, can be distorted and we learn that it is wrong to be proud of and celebrate ourselves, that other people matter more than we do, that to love others, we have to love ourselves less. What dangerous falsehoods.

Like putting our oxygen masks on before assisting others, we need to love and nourish ourselves to have the strength and sustainability to love anyone else. In return, how can we expect, or trust, others to love us, when we don’t believe in or treasure what it is they hold dear? Isn’t it a lot of pressure to put on another, to expect them to provide all our love for us? How much more reliable to provide that for ourselves and enjoy the love of others like a welcome addition … the gravy!

Our happiness depends on it. Christine Arylo, author of Madly In Love With Me says: “Our happiness is directly related to our levels of self-compassion.” So, isn’t it worth it? She suggests that when we find ourselves being less than loving to number one, simply ask: “What do I need to do to love myself right now?” Then do it. Be that good friend to yourself. It’s a gift far beyond a box of chocolates and lasts a lifetime.

Julia Pitt is a trained success coach and certified NLP practitioner on the team at Benedict Associates. For further information contact Julia on (441) 705-7488, www.juliapittcoaching.com.