A few weeks ago I was part of a joint presentation to a group of inspiring ladies on a subject very dear to my heart: empowering ourselves towards healthy success. One key point of the discussion was the importance of a supportive mindset — being kind to ourselves and speaking positively of ourselves and others, both outwardly and, most importantly, in our own self-talk.

The speech went well. I was buzzing from the engagement with the audience, confident that what I’d shared had resonated and been of service. When I sat down, another speaker, a marvellously dynamic woman, stood to give some closing remarks. In about four succinct sentences she elegantly summed up my 40-minute talk.

“Oh, that’s how I should have done it,” I said to myself. “I was nowhere near as good as that.” And with that, all the good feeling drained from my chest and I sat there hollow, embarrassed and disappointed in myself … and then I burst out laughing!

“Practice what you preach …” I had to remind myself. I preach it because I know all too well the destructive effects of that negative inner voice that likes to tear us down. It gets to us in many insidious, manipulative disguises to undermine our efforts and our sense of self-worth. For me, comparing myself to others is my go-to mode of self-sabotage. What’s yours?

The answer may lie in an online quiz designed by two coaches, Amy Ahlers and Christine Arylo of The Inner Mean Girl/Dude Reform School. There, they categorise our nasty inner voices into 13 archetypes, each with its own defeating pattern and with names like Achievement Junkie, Good Girl, Drama Queen, Martyr, Worry Wort and of course, my standby, Comparison Queen. Identify with any of these?

Then they offer practical tools to deactivate the draining effects that each of these inner personalities can have on us. For example, if you’re like me and comparisons drag you down, they suggest you transform comparison into inspiration. Ask yourself, “What about this person inspires me?” They also suggest we tell the person who inspired us and let their example generate action for ourselves. Isn’t this much more empowering than stewing in jealousy, self-loathing or self-pity? We all experience these critical inner voices to some extent — likely composites from early negative childhood experiences, perhaps even once serving as a defence mechanism or self-protection in our vulnerability. But having long outgrown any usefulness, those voices can remain with us, having crushing consequences if we give them too much credence.

Not allowing oneself to joyfully experience our best self, act in our own good interest, and view ourselves and others with compassion serves no one. Whichever your inner meanie, there are simple steps to combat its effects. It can take practice (as I am experiencing) because self-sabotage can become habit, but it’s a habit worth breaking.

To do the quiz: www.innermeangirlquiz.com

Julia Pitt is a trained success coach and certified NLP practitioner on the team at Benedict Associates. For further information contact Julia on 705-7488, www.juliapittcoaching.com.