Dear Dr Nekia,

Do you think it would be right for a man to sit in first class while his wife sat in coach? The trip is business related and his job paid for his ticket, room, and board. His wife is invited to come along for the business trip. (This question is taken from social media with permission of the person who posted it.)

Dear Sir,

This is one of those times when I will offer my personal feelings as part of the answer because I found this to be a very interesting question. It addresses a very common issue within relationships — the amount of influence and power that jobs and money play.

We must remember always that we are psychological beings. Action is directed by thought, which is sparked by underlying beliefs. Such beliefs often come from social conditioning. Money is a very powerful conditioner.

In this situation, on the one hand, at least the wife gets to accompany her husband and she will enjoy the benefits of the hotel being paid for.

However, she is more than his companion, she is his wife. As such she should be held above simply being grateful for being a travel companion.

Secondly, although room and board is being paid for, it is a business trip, not a vacation. As such, room and board is not free to him nor to her, he is working for it and thus it is being earned. Not having to pay for room or board on a business-related trip is not a perk, no matter how nice the accommodations may be.

Travel expenses and the value of the employee’s work to the company are calculated into corporate expenditure. In short, the couple is earning the trip.

With that being said, if the company is unwilling to pay for two first-class tickets and the couple is unable to afford a second first-class ticket, what is the solution?

It was very disturbing to see that most women commented that they would not mind sitting coach while their husband flew first class. This is one of those times where we can clearly see that money and occupation determine how one treats their spouse and the expectation of the spouse.

The husband’s employer is either trying to deter the wife from being a travel companion, or is stating that while she is welcome to accompany their employee, they do not think it necessary or worth their expenditure.

As the employee, the husband probably has no negotiating leg to stand on, so he goes along with accepting that his wife has to fly coach.

If this is the case, then it is either she agrees to the arrangement or she stays home, right? Wrong.

As a married couple, you should move as a unit, and it is very important that you both expect and practice this in your daily lives.

This is not your girlfriend or a love interest, she is your wife. Either you pay for the difference to make up her first-class ticket, or you step down to travel by her side.

Chances are that travel arrangements were made in advance, and this would indicate that the husband chose to find it OK to travel in a different class from his wife.

He did not choose to upgrade her or to step down to be by her side. He could have offered up his first-class seat for one in coach if he wanted to be by his wife’s side. This can be done even if the flight is booked solid, and it could be done at no extra cost.

I am not too sure how he would even feel comfortable enjoying the luxuries of first class with his wife in coach. His conscience should not allow it and, even as a woman, I would give up my first-class seat and travel by my husband’s side instead of having him be treated as a tag along or second-class person.

He is my partner, my love, the one I joined my life with, and he should be treated with that respect at all times. Likewise, I as his wife should expect to be treated no less than the same.

We have got to do better. Acts of consideration, compassion and love cost nothing but first begin with an open heart. We must remember to value our loved ones.

Dear Dr Nekia,

My daughter is dating a man who is not good for her. He is a bad influence and she deserves better. She is 27 but lives at home and, as her father, I refuse to sit by and watch this guy influence my daughter to drink and get tattoos. Help me to get her to understand that this is not a good lifestyle for her.

Sincerely, He Needs To Stay Away

Dear He Needs To Stay Away,

Your concerns for your daughter are valid. If since dating this man she has changed to what could be considered for the worst, then he could potentially be bad for her.

However, you must be sure that he is the cause. Be certain that destructive behaviours began with him. Children often hide who they really are, but when they meet a love interest with whom they share commonalities, this empowers them to no longer care about what their parents think. They grow the courage to express themselves regardless of our approval.

Also, be sure that her behaviour is not simply unwanted in light of your opinion versus being truly destructive or disrespectful. Drinking alcohol or getting tattoos does not necessarily constitute travelling down a road of doom. Be careful that you are not imposing your ideals upon her.

At 27 she is no longer your little girl. She has blossomed from being your child into being your daughter, who is a woman in her own right. Her staying within the family home has nothing to do with things as long as she is being respectful of herself and others within the household.

We tend to see living at home as a reflection of a lack of maturity or independence but living at home does not negate one’s will or value as an adult. Nor does it strip her of her right to individuality or give you the automatic right to dictate her actions, choices, or who she keeps company with.

It can be difficult but you must move from a place of authority to a place of guidance. Be there to offer your wisdom when needed or if asked, but accept who your daughter chooses to be as an individual. You chose for yourself, and whether the choices be right or wrong in your eyes, like everyone else, your daughter has the right to choose for herself. And yes, this does include her choice of who to date.

In your eyes she is your precious daughter who of course deserves the best, but first and foremost she is her own being. Unless you see that she cannot truly protect herself from harm, then you should not impose yourself upon her life.

Love her for the woman she is, and be there for her when she needs you. Trust your efforts in raising her, and remember that your role in her adult life may be different, but you are still and will always be her father.