God’s will turned our friendship to love
The best Hollywood screenwriters have nothing on God when it comes to drafting a great love story.
That’s something newly-weds Kylah (Allers) and Richard Martin learnt one summer day in 2009.
Richard was visiting the Island with his college choir, the Oakwood University Aeolians, when he was handed a huge opportunity to preach at a local event.
It was a nerve-wracking experience, but the message he delivered resonated strongly with one particular family in the audience — Kylah’s.
After the event the two had a chance meeting in the lobby of Ruth Seaton James Auditorium.
“Neither of us can actually mark exactly how we began talking,” Richard said. “I didn’t make it a point to find my way to her. She didn’t intentionally ‘accidentally’ make her way to me. In fact, she was not supposed to be there!”
The two got lost in conversation and it took them a while to notice the numbers in the lobby had dwindled.
Richard was impressed by Kylah’s grace and serenity. Kylah said she liked his confidence, intelligence, respectful manner and easy-going personality.
“I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I’d never said ‘hi’,” Richard said. “It’s amazing how one word could be the difference between two destinies.
“What ensued was a brief, pleasant, and comedic exchange. It was in this first conversation that we discovered our five-year age difference!”
Richard, 26, is an assistant pastor at the Emmanuel-Brinklow Seventh-day Adventist Church in Ashton, Maryland. Bermudian Kylah, 31, is completing her Master’s in community and international development.
The two were married on February 8.
Kylah said there were signs early on in their friendship that assured her she was in God’s will.
There was also lots of prayer; they never tried to rush the relationship.
“A friendship built over time confirmed my early suspicions about the type of person he was,” Kylah said.
“Our friendship was strictly that though — friendship. We were not intentionally interacting to ‘see if this is the one’.
“In fact, there was a point in our friendship that I perceived a different kind of interest on his behalf.
“I actually prayed that he would say no such thing to me. God answered my prayers at that time, but at the right time He transformed the beauty of our friendship into a new and refreshing journey of love.”
Richard said he realised soon after meeting her that she would be his wife.
“I did have an ‘aha’ moment and it scared me,” he said. “It came after one trip in 2010. I prayed for an opportunity to have a conversation longer than five minutes. That Saturday night, we talked for about two hours straight.
“The essence of all of my positive suspicions were confirmed: She was amazing!
“While flying atop the clouds two days later, the Lord told me she would be my wife. I looked around to see if anyone on-board was attempting to tease me. Nope, nobody.
“I journaled what I believed God to be saying as a date-mark to look back upon when — and at that time I would have said ‘if’ — it came to pass.”
After they made their relationship official, they still had to cope with long distance and other challenges.
“I was pursuing a Master’s in Michigan, and she continued to work in Bermuda. With no plan of action to ensure regular visits — and no money on my part! — we were not sure how this would work out, but we were sure God was approving our steps,” Richard said.
“Though intensely challenging at times, starting off long-distance laid a firm foundation for our communication skills. When you’re not in a person’s presence daily, you learn to pick up on subtle nuances in their voice. It’s pretty cool. We ended up seeing each other almost every month until Kylah came to Michigan the following school year. Through prayer, daily conversations, as well as spontaneous ‘assignments’, our bond remained unbroken though we were physically separated by miles.
“When we finally were in the same place, we would attend church together regularly, continued to pray together, share encouragement from our personal time and experiences with God — those kinds of things.”
Now that they are married they try to maintain an individual and collective prayer and Bible study time.
They’ve also stopped watching TV so they have more time to talk and read. Kylah said it’s been a “major blessing” to their connection as newly-weds.
To read what worked in their Christian relationship, see story sidebar.
Relationship tips from Kylah and Richard Martin:
• Pray for each other. Kylah encourages couples to dig deep and talk to God at every opportunity. She said: “Pray for your spouse audibly, while they’re listening. Pray for them silently, while they’re sleeping. Pray for them continuously whether they are present at home or absent at work. You are your partner’s lifelong prayer warrior. Keep them covered!”
• Don’t settle. She said: “Be clear on who God has for you so that you never have to wonder ‘what did I get myself into?’. Having the confidence that your relationship has been designed by God is the greatest source of assurance for challenging times. After all, you can count on the fact that He has your best interest at heart always. I know that sometimes we can be concerned that God is out to humble us, so we think that if we trust Him we may be let down. We are sure that we’ll have to sacrifice good looks or whatever it is we deem to be ‘the icing on the cake’. Not so! A text that encouraged me in my journey read like this: “In You they trusted and were not disappointed”; other versions say “were not put to shame” (Psalm 22:5). I’m so glad I trusted God. I have not been disappointed.”
• There’s no shame in going to counselling. In fact the Martins recommend it as an important key in preparing for marriage. “We would recommend pre-engagement counselling as opposed to premarital (or to do both!),” they said.
• Always trust in God’s timing. Richard said: “As it pertains to God’s timing in your life’s journey I say, ‘When God says move, don’t wait. When God says wait, don’t move’. The line between impulsivity and inactivity can be thin. Remember Proverbs 3:5, 6.”
• God’s prescribed way of dating is always the best. Richard’s life motto encourages him to live and act in a way that will make his Heavenly Father pleased: It’s better to live in the will of God and be questioned by men, than to live in the will of men and be questioned by God.
