Fatherhood a blessing for bishop
With Father’s Day approaching this Sunday, the Island’s devoted fathers have come up for commendation from the community group Imagine Bermuda.
Anglican Bishop Nick Dill, a proud parent of six with his wife Fiona, is the latest proposed by Glenn Fubler as an example of how fathers can transform lives.
“It’s a busy job; you’re constantly juggling — but something I tell all the people who come to me for wedding planning is that the best way to show love to your children is to love their mother,” Bishop Dill said.
“If you can’t love her, respect her. Every father will inflict damage and wounds upon their children, unintentionally or not, because children are always aiming to please. So one of the important things to learn is to say sorry when you mess up.”
Fatherhood was always an aspiration for Bishop Dill, although he and his wife differed on just how many children they wanted.
With the birth of their first, Hannah, he discovered that fatherhood could be “just exhausting”, and that he had a temper. Parenting could bring out the best as well as the worst in a person, he said.
“We thought we could cut our losses at three,” Bishop Dill laughed. “Then we had two more, six years later. Number six was a surprise to me.”
Hannah is now 23, followed by Sam, 20; Phoebe, 18; Benjamin, 12; Miriam, 10; and Rachael, 8.
Asked what he had found most rewarding, Bishop Dill said: “Seeing your children grow and become the person that they’re meant to be.
“The Bible also talks about fathers not exasperating their children. We can exasperate easily by being inconsistent and not being true to our word, or by trying to make our children something that they are not. That is why it’s so rewarding to see your children blossom.
“All our children are so different and yet passionate about what they’re doing. When we all get together it’s just the best time; it’s a hoot. We love being together as a family.
“They say that bishops, policemen and schoolteachers have rebel children. That hasn’t been our experience.
“But we don’t expect perfection from our children. To impose religious standards where they can’t fail is a recipe for disaster.”
The important thing, Bishop Dill said, was for children to understand that “the lines are always open” when it comes to communicating with their parents.
“I have a young man at the moment that I’m working with who says if he’s man enough to make a child, he should be man enough to be involved in that child’s life, and I want to support him in that,” he said.
“It’s like that expression that a puppy is not just for Christmas. Children are going to be there. They need a father. There is undeniable evidence to show that fatherlessness can lead to all kinds of complications in life.
“Obviously some people grow up without, but I would say to anyone who is a father that time spent with your children is never wasted. Love is often giving up time. You lose something, you lose your independence, but what you gain is so much more.”
With four girls, Bishop Dill knows he has to be “someone they can look up to and someone who will protect them”. With his boys, his calling is more that of a role model.
His relationship with his own father has been a happy one, he said, although he suspected his father was “initially a little quizzical about me leaving law and going into the ministry”.
Recalling the blow he felt when he did not get into the University of Cambridge, Bishop Dill told The Royal Gazette: “I was crushed. I thought my father was going to be disappointed in me. He said he couldn’t care less and asked if I was happy.”
Being close to his father now has “helped me very much”, Bishop Dill said.
“I have appreciated him more the older I get,” he added. “I missed him sometimes when I was a child but we hang out together now and I have huge respect for him.
“It’s wonderful to see him engage with my children — it lets me see what he might have been like with me.
“This is not a job that I do for applause. But I think it’s important to raise fatherhood and encourage those who struggle with being fathers.
“They need our support and encouragement.”
“There is no more heroic task than that called on, for fathers playing a role in the lives of children,” said Glenn Fubler of the group Imagine Bermuda.
“While that heroism may not be the kind found in movies, the reality of the courage of fathers transforms lives. Imagine Bermuda and Family Centre are joining the Bermuda National Library in celebrating this role in the week leading up to Father’s Day on June 21.
“There are many ways to observe the significance of the role of fathering. We are suggesting that one such means could be for fathers and their children to attend the upcoming football game to be held at the National Stadium on Monday, June 15 — National Heroes Day. We note also that there will be group rates available for the game.
“In addition, we are collaborating with the print media to have a variety of local personalities to share stories and reflections on the significance of fathering. The idea is to promote a conversation, moving beyond the boxes of the past and to inspire all of us involved in fathering, with the view to leveraging the capacity of upcoming generations.
“A goal of this initiative is to facilitate the empowerment of fathers and mentors in their promotion of the development of children. This includes updating them on the support systems available, in this regard. One way is for fathers, mentors and children to register or renew membership in the Bermuda Library over this period.
“A draw prize is being offered for those attending the library over the next two weeks and attendees will receive information about free online educational features that will support families in optimising the potential of adults and children who take advantage.”
