Almost 20 years ago, during a period of intense self-questioning, I bought a book. It was a workbook, that asked questions about how I viewed my life: draw a picture of yourself at home, work and play; describe a perfect day; where do you see yourself in five, ten, 20 years’ time?

With a new set of coloured pencils I began in earnest; reams of minuscule writing — up until page 15.

I don’t know why, perhaps I got distracted, got a job, a boyfriend or another book from the self-help section, but that was the last page I completed.

The book was called ‘How You Do Anything Is How You Do Everything’, by Cheri Huber and June Shiver. Over the years I’ve lugged it through house moves and various countries, feeling guilty whenever I look at it, telling myself I must get back to it because otherwise, what does it say about me? I start things and never finish them.

If completion equals accomplishment then I will never accomplish anything. That is the story I have been telling myself: this book was the proof.

Hang on a minute!

I was recently reading about personality typing. The type I most strongly identified with is described as the sort of person who likes to start things. “Starting is this type’s way of moving energy from being stuck. Small starts on a variety of things prompt greater change and growth.”

I laughed out loud. The very thing I have berated myself over for holding me back could be considered a perfectly valid way of getting more accomplished.

When I looked at it like this the relief was enormous. What if we could all give ourselves that permission to be who we are? My default was to jump to self-criticism and judgment and in doing so remained stuck in a mindset despite it not serving me. And yes, that is how I did virtually everything.

When, for a change, we afford ourselves the same credit, kindness and compassion we often give to others and look through a lens of positive regard, it changes our story and our interpretations.

Allowing myself to acknowledge the positives, what I see now is that I did start well (and often do); that I tend to take things seriously, try my best, and make it personal; that I hold on to things (perhaps longer than I need to). And that’s okay.

I’ve also learnt that it can take a while to realise the true learning of an experience and that if something designed to help us is in reality hurting us, we are free to let that go.

What are the stories you tell yourself? Are they still valid, relevant, up-to-date?

We are allowed to choose how we do things and how we treat ourselves and we can make them deliberate, self-affirming choices. How we choose to do anything can also be how we choose to do everything.

• Julia Pitt is a trained success coach and certified NLP practitioner on the team at Benedict Associates. For further information contact Julia on 705-7488, www.juliapittcoaching.com