Dear Heather: I have recently lost a parent, and on top of that my partner and I have separated. I know the song goes “It’s the happ, happiest time of the year” but actually for me this year it’s not. I’m dreading it. Can you recommend any home projects I could do during this time? — Lonely this Christmas

Dear Lonely: Believe me, you are not alone. Christmas is especially difficult for a lot of people. While the television, media and shops paint a merry picture, for many people it is not. Most people have some memories of a “wonderful Christmas”; a day filled with love and laughter, children, wonderful food and smells — happy times. However, if you have recently lost a loved one or become estranged from your partner and/or children, these very memories can leave you struggling to cope with the empty chairs at the table and other evidences of loved ones’ absence.

All that said, being alone at Christmas is not all bad news. Firstly, some people actually enjoy being away from frantic, stressed-out family members. Secondly, there are things you can do to help combat the holiday blues; it is a good time to address long forgotten projects and goals.

• Home projects

Is there something you’ve been trying to get to? A few days off can be a great time to tackle a household project. Be it cleaning out a cupboard, putting up a shelf, repotting some plants or finally getting around to some gardening, creating a new space, redecorating a room or creating a cosy space where you can relax at the end of the day.

• Find other single people

Don’t be afraid to admit you’re lonely and get together with other friends that might be in the same situation. Organise a potluck “waifs and strays” Christmas get together; keep it simple focus on camaraderie and companionship — don’t make it a cooking competition!

• Exercise

Don’t sit inside feeling sorry for yourself. Get out there and exercise, go for a walk on the beach. In Bermuda there is a huge gathering on Elbow Beach on Christmas Day, and even if you go to a lesser-known beach, it is likely you will meet up with someone you know or even create a new friendship. Yoga is a fabulous way to help stay relaxed and focused, it’s also a great way to meet new people and gain more confidence. Don’t overdo the eating and drinking. As they say, it’s all fun until your jeans don’t fit.

• Volunteer

The true spirit of Christmas giving may have been bulldozed out of the way, but that doesn’t mean it’s not still there, somewhere, dotted across the country in the guise of gallant volunteers giving up their time to do good; be it helping in soup kitchens, delivering presents to hospitals, visiting children’s wards or old people’s homes or even taking goodies to the people who work over Christmas — firemen, nurses, policemen, EMTs, caregivers; someone has to do it! It’s not just about goodwill to others though. Helping out with a charity or good cause can help you feel good, and give you a chance to meet people. There is a wealth of opportunities, ask around or go online to find out who to contact.

• Embrace technology

Many slam the internet for ruining relationships and destroying face-to-face contact, but actually the internet is a great way to maintain social contact. FaceTime, Facebook or message friends and family overseas to bring you closer. You can also use this time to organise your electronic files.

• Go to a carol concert

Religious or not, never underestimate the power of carol singing, based on the simple fact that singing anything together with others makes you happier. Research has shown that singing as a group makes people feel more included than playing any team sport, and generally hearing music can increase the levels of the brain chemical dopamine, the feel-good chemical associated with being in love. I wouldn’t worry too much if you can’t sing that well, my observation of these events is that not many other people can either — including myself, as my children will attest!

• Nothing to Do in Bermuda

Go on this fabulous website. There is always something to do in Bermuda — all day, every day, even Christmas Day. Just pick the events you are interested in, and rock on up. Bermuda is a transient society. There are likely to be others at some events who are either travelling or whose nearest and dearest can’t be with them for one reason or another, who will be more than happy to start a conversation with you. You never know who you might meet.

• Go on holiday

OK, it’s not in everyone’s budget, but if you can afford to get away over Christmas then try it. Some people find that the novelty of being in a different place can feel much less lonely; you can see new things and might meet new people.

If you’re not convinced about travelling alone, comfort yourself with the fact that it’s more popular than you think. There are “singles” holidays and these cater to a wide variety of interests. If you aren’t able to go away at Christmas, go online and see what you can find that might be available to you in the new year. There is a whole world of things to do out there! Also, several local organisations offer the chance to visit impoverished countries and help those in need. Bermuda Overseas Missions, for example, runs a programme in conjunction with Habitat for Humanity, and Feed my Lambs is doing great work in Haiti.

Remember, keep positive, keep moving forward, keep busy, don’t expect too much of yourself and have fun. I hope these few words are helpful. I wish you all a warm and wonderful Christmas and New Year and I will be back in the New Year with more Bermuda real estate tips.

• Heather Chilvers is among Coldwell Banker Bermuda Realty’s leading sales representatives. She has been working in real estate for nearly 27 years. If you have a question for Heather, please contact her at hchilvers@brcl.bm or 332-1793. All questions will be treated confidentially. Go onto Heather’s Facebook page, Ask Heather Real Estate, to like and share this article.