Dear Dr Nekia,

My husband and I got married in December and we have had a trying year. Since it is around the time of our anniversary and the new year is approaching, I was wondering what could we do to reconnect?

Sincerely,

Out Of Sync

Dear Out Of Sync,

A new year is the perfect opportunity for couples to reconnect and even more so for you and your husband since it is your anniversary. At a time when renewal is in the air, couples can find creative ways of renewing their relationship. One idea is for the both of you to set goals based on your individual experiences with the relationship over the past year. Focus in on areas that either one of you feel need to be strengthened, as well as new areas that may be missing. Your goals may not be the same as your husband’s but try to come to an agreement on one or two goals so that your relationship can go forward in a common direction.

Couples usually disconnect when goals, expectations and relationship outlooks go in different directions.

It is easy to get lost in the day-to-day happenings of life, but your relationship can remain strong if you remain connected through common goals with your partner.

Another idea that you can try with your husband is to revisit memories of your first meeting as well as the day you got married. Share memories not only of what happened but also your thoughts and intimate feelings that you can recall. Try to share something new with one another. After years of being together, the element of surprise — no matter how small — will do wonders for igniting a spark of intimacy.

Yet another idea may be for you to take some vacation time together. Even if only for a day or two, and whether it is a trip away or a staycation, some time alone as you usher in the new year and celebrate your anniversary can be good for rejuvenating things.

Separation from other people and obligations can often bring much needed clarity and redirected focus where it belongs — on one another.

Dear Dr Nekia,

I thought that I met the perfect guy but I am having a hard time dealing with his daughter. I don’t mind that he has a child, but it is hard for us to have a normal relationship because he is a single father and his daughter has special needs. It is very difficult to make plans and keep dates because he rarely has time away from her and she is in and out of doctors’ appointments. I feel bad about ending things because of this, but I just don’t see how things will work out.

Sincerely,

Disappointed

Dear Disappointed,

Finding someone you feel may be a perfect intimate fit for you is one thing, but having that very same person fit perfectly into your life and ideals is another. You will have to decide if your connection to this gentleman is strong enough to withstand the lifestyle adjustments that will be needed to accommodate the special needs that his relationship with his daughter will require. You should do this sooner rather than later to avoid attachment and emotional harm that may be done should you choose to separate from him and his daughter. Children, especially those with special needs, can be very sensitive to break-ups, and you would not want his daughter to feel guilt or grief upon your leaving. You will need to be really honest with yourself and try not to focus on feeling guilty for your decision.

Make the best decision for you, because in the long run, if you are unhappy, stressed, or unfulfilled, resentment and tension will build within the relationship and, no matter how perfect he may be for you, things will end poorly.

Alternatively, you could share your anxiety, reservations, and concerns with your perfect guy and choose to take things at a slower pace that is comfortable for you both.

You may be feeling disappointed and underwhelmed by the way that things are going; sometimes a step back and a deep breath is all that is needed to recharge a relationship. Should you choose to remain in the relationship, try seeking the advice of others in similar positions or joining a support group. There are many support groups out there, and if you cannot find a suitable one in Bermuda, try joining an online support group that you are comfortable with. Group members can offer encouragement, moral support, effective ways and creative ideas for keeping your relationship with both father and daughter healthy and strong.

Dear Dr Nekia,

How is the age of sexual consent usually determined? I find it interesting that different cultures have different ideas regarding this.

Sincerely,

Age Of Consent

Dear Age Of Consent,

It is true that different cultures and nations have varying ideas about what the appropriate age of sexual consent should be. Western developed countries usually gauge age of consent by psychological developmental guidelines.

The body may be physically mature, but the mind, which is greatly dependent on awareness, develops and matures at a different rate.

Studies have also shown that it is not until the mind engages in critical thinking, that it begins to shift from motivations of instant gratification. Usually this begins to happen post-adolescence, but many adults today never reach this point.

Likewise, in other cultures, people tend to reach this stage of mental maturity sooner. Age of consent is a complex topic that takes into account, physical development, mental maturity, and the needs of the society. Not all factors may be weighed equally, and ideals regarding consent may change over time. For instance, some cultures may deem it beneficial to have members reproduce at a younger age, others may feel that physical maturity is of primary importance, while still others do not require as much complexity in consideration because their societies are simple and nature-based.

Really, the age of consent is not a biological or a natural law, but rather it comes down to how the law and government of any given country views its citizens, and what best benefits, whether for protection or otherwise, the functioning of that society.

*Want relationship advice? E-mail nakedtruth@royalgazette.com