Dear Dr Nekia,

I thought that I had met the perfect guy, that is until we became intimate. I thought that we had chemistry. I was always glad for his warm hugs, and I couldn’t wait to kiss him hello whenever we would meet. But once things got heated, things became awkward between us. He is a nice guy and I still enjoy his company very much, but the sex is just boring and a bit clumsy. Is it worth holding on to a good guy if he cannot satisfy me, or should I just move on?

Sincerely, Awkward Lovin’

Dear Awkward Lovin’,

Sexual compatibility is a very important component to any healthy relationship. At times, we as women tend to downplay it and it is not uncommon for us to compromise our sexual desires in favour of having a good man in our lives.

You will have to decide for yourself if this is a choice that you will want to make, but first I would encourage you to try and remedy your situation.

You could always try the direct approach by letting him know how you feel, although men can be rather sensitive when it comes to letting them know that they are not sexually pleasing us.

Fortunately, there are ways that you can get your point across without doing too much damage to his ego. One way would be for you to find an adult game that enables you to get to know one another’s sexual likes and dislikes. You can find such games online, or locally at one of the various adult and lingerie stores. Playing games together is a great and fun way to get on the same page without any pressure, but if games are not your thing you could teach your new guy how to make love to you by taking the lead in the bedroom. Designate a time and place for an intimate rendezvous with your guy. Set the mood that you would like to create with music, candles, wine, or the food of your choice. When he arrives, greet him with a kiss and tell him that it is his job to do nothing but relax and enjoy your time together.

From there initiate every step of the way and allow the intimacy to build at your pace. Once things get going, continue to lead the way by touching him how you would like to be touched and kissing him how you would like to be kissed. Once a woman is in control, men are great followers and eager to learn. Without knowing it, your guy will be well on his way to becoming your perfect lover. The fact that you have chemistry outside of the bedroom is a plus and should make things easier for you to get in sync inside the bedroom. Almost any two people can become good lovers for one another as long as they are both willing to put in the effort. Should you try different things and nothing works, you may have to face the fact that the two of you are not sexually compatible.

If this is the case, it may be wise for you to find someone else who is, because in the long run, sexual incompatibility creates a wedge and distance within relationships.

Dear Dr Nekia,

I am embarrassed to say it, but I have gotten myself into a difficult situation. I have been dating this girl for a while now. She is gorgeous, and I never thought that I could ever have a chance at someone like her. But we do not have too much in common. I do have a lot in common with her sister though. Although she’s not my type I am beginning to have more feelings for her than the girl I am dating. I don’t know, it’s just that we seem to share jokes and have a good time together, and I am beginning to get caught up with the two of them. One looks like every man’s dream girl, but the other is every man’s kind of soul mate. What should I do?

Sincerely, Caught Between The Two

Dear Caught Between The Two,

This is a sticky situation that you have gotten yourself into — your eyes are attracted to one sister, but your heart is attracted to the other. So I have to ask, what is it that you are looking for? Are you looking for a good time, or are you looking for love? Once you have decided what it is that you want, you will know which sister is best suited for you. Next, you will have to find a way of dealing with the situation itself. If you choose to remain with the sister that you are currently with, you will want to distance yourself from the sister who you feel more of a connection with. Understand that by pursuing one sister, you most likely will lose all chances with the other. However, should you choose the sister who you feel closer to, you will need to be honest with yourself and with everyone else involved. I would recommend that you explain to both sisters that you did not intend for feelings to develop between you and sister number two, and that you are doing the right thing by coming forward with your feelings. You will have to decide whether you would like to tell them while they are together or you would like to address them one by one. In either case, you unfortunately stand a good chance of losing both of them if they share a strong sisterly bond. Love is sometimes not ideal in that it can sometimes show up in seemingly inappropriate and taboo moments, but it’s always worth it. So if it is love that you want, go for it. After all, nothing ventured is nothing gained, right?

Dear Dr Nekia,

I came home from working a double shift one night and found my man doing something that I thought I would never ever see him do. Honestly, I didn’t know what to say or do when I saw him standing in the bedroom in front of the mirror with my lingerie on. I mean, can you imagine? Aside from the shock, the look on his face was priceless when he realised that I was watching; and on top of that the lingerie looked like he squeezed into it. Thong and all. Should I be worried? He said that it’s nothing and that he has never done it before. Curiosity got the best of him. He has never lived with a woman before and he said that he just wanted to see what it was like for a woman. I just don’t know if I believe him.

Sincerely, Caught Him In Lingerie

Dear Caught Him In Lingerie,

I can only imagine your shock at coming home and finding your man posing in front of the mirror while wearing your unmentionables. If you were to ask your friends, I am sure that it is highly likely that they would say that they have seen their men do the same. The fact is that men do get curious. A lot about us puzzles them, and they can sometimes find themselves behaving oddly in order to satisfy their curiosities. Most men would not admit to having ever put on their woman’s underwear, but you would be surprised at the things that some men have done.

Men have innocently tried to curl their eyelashes with their woman’s eyelash curler, put on nail polish, tried on their woman’s shoes or bra, shaved their legs, waxed their body hair, used women’s body wash, and tried on their woman’s wigs and extensions.

“Innocently” here, means that although these acts could cause one to question their sexuality, these men are not homosexual just curious about the behaviours of women. More specifically, their woman. Try bringing up the subject in a lighthearted manner. Ask him how it felt to be dressed that way. By being willing to discuss it and making light of it you will create a sense of acceptance whereby he will feel able to share uncomfortable moments with you. Most men are afraid of, or at least do not like, having their sexuality questioned — especially by their women. So your ability to be nonjudgmental will be welcomed. Personally, unless there is additional evidence to suggest otherwise, I wouldn’t worry too much.

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