I watched the interview given on ZBM by the Preserve Marriage Bermuda group. I attended the gathering outside the Cabinet Office, at which the same views were read by the same representatives (I presume, I was towards the back with the other supporters of same-sex marriage and could not see the speakers). I read the variety of posters.

What I did not find was any degree of common sense. There seemed to be an undercurrent of belief that if gays were allowed to marry legally, all moral standards would be destroyed. Really? By getting legally married and setting up a family? By being able to abandon an “illicit” way of life? Really?

My school friend, living in the UK, says that she has the statistically correct family — four sons, one of whom is gay. Some research has estimated that 25 per cent of people born in Britain are gay. The United States lowers its rate to 10 per cent.

It seems fair to say, then, that the Bermuda numbers fall somewhere between the two. But even if the number were 10 per cent, it would mean that there are 6,000 people here who are not heterosexual. If your extended family consists of ten people or more, chances are very good that at least one of them is gay. You may not know it, or you may refuse to accept what your senses tell you; your views may keep that person “in the closet”. Imagine how painful that is for your gay relative, who cannot change their orientation, no matter how they try.

If some of those 6,000 were free to marry, how would it affect anyone else? Would you move away if they moved in next door? Would you bring back (whisper it) segregation — but this time for gays? There was a time, although not in Bermuda, when black and white could not marry.

I cannot for the life of me imagine how this issue would affect anyone but the gays themselves. Because they are in the minority, it would be insane to put the matter to referendum. It is a life-changing issue for that minority, and should in no way be decided by the majority. (The previous referendum and proposed/withdrawn referendum, if passed, would have affected everyone.)

The February 16 advertisement by Preserve Marriage Bermuda in The Royal Gazette says: “All countries that have same-sex marriage started with a same-sex civil union.” Yes, they did. Then they opened their eyes and saw that, although civil unions were better than no legal unions, they still did not give the same rights as heterosexual marriages did, and gays were still legally second-class citizens. And they corrected the situation.

Let us not waste money and lawyers’ time drafting laws for civil unions. Let us go straight into drafting legislation for same-sex marriage. Our legislators need to come out of their churches and face the hard truth — gays in Bermuda are being denied their full human rights by those who already have theirs.

At the gathering in front of the Cabinet Building, there were numerous placards claiming that same-sex marriage would make “Moms and dads optional”. Again, really? How?

Will heterosexual women abandon their attraction to men and set up house with other women? I can’t see it. Heterosexuals will still marry and cohabit with heterosexuals (and, incidentally, numbers of those dads will separate from the moms and leave behind single-parent families. Isn’t lack of “a father figure” a big problem in Bermuda?)

Now here’s an eye-opener: more and more research reveals that it is not the lack of a father figure that affects the lives of children; it’s the lack of two committed parents.

Fifty per cent of heterosexuals become parents by accident, whereas gay parents choose to be parents — whether it’s by adoption, surrogacy or donor sperm — thus showing a greater commitment, says Abbie Goldberg, psychologist at Clark University in Massachusetts.

When several legal cases before the US Supreme Court challenged the federal definitions of marriage, the court ordered a legal brief evaluating the literature regarding the wellbeing of children growing up in same-sex marriages.

Those charged with the task studied ten years of literature available on the subject and concluded that there was a “clear consensus ... that children living within same-sex parent households fare just as well as those children residing within different-sex parent households ... academic performance, cognitive development, social and psychological health”.

American writer Dada Ra, referencing CNN, CCAI, Science Daily and other sources, writes in Liberty Voice (December 8, 2013): “A perk added to lesbian and gay adoption is they tend to have more harmonious homes, according to research by Rachel H. Farr at the University of Amherst. As a result, it was found that children’s behaviour issues decrease with same-sex parenting.”

Ra goes on to say: “Gender roles and personalities do not always mix pleasantly. In straight relationships, the wife may not want to wash the dishes, wash clothes or cook all the time. The husband may not always want to be the strong one or work the hardest. If these concerns are not aired, they hang in the air and children pick it up. In same-sex relationships, responsibilities are accepted based on ability and not assumption. This creates an ease of duties that translates peacefully to a child.”

A 2010 study from the University of California-San Francisco, the University of California-Los Angeles and the University of Amsterdam, published in the peer-reviewed medical journal Pediatrics, found that “the 17-year-old daughters and sons of lesbian mothers were rated significantly higher in social, school/academic and total competence, and significantly lower in social problems, rule-breaking, aggression and externalising problem behaviour than their age-matched counterparts [from opposite-sex parents].”

Studies also show that children raised by same-sex parents tend to be more tolerant, and their adjustment is not related to parental, sexual orientation. However, “lack of opportunity for same-gender couples to marry adds to families’ stress, which affects the health and welfare of all household members.” (“Promoting the Wellbeing of Children Whose Parents are Gay or Lesbian”, 2013, Tafts University, Boston Medical Centre and the Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and Family Health.)

The legalisation of same-sex marriage in Bermuda would open the doors to educated and gifted gay Bermudians now living overseas. They could bring their families and skills back to Bermuda, instead of feeling excluded by their country.

It is time for the Government to find its backbone and do something that is legally and morally the right thing, and which will bring us into the 21st century. Give gays the right to marry. It would take nothing from anybody else — except, possibly, a sense of superiority — and maybe then the closeted members of Parliament would find the courage to creep out and take a stand.

• Helle Patterson, an educator and human rights activist, was the co-ordinator of the Single Parents Association from 1975 to 1982