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A life-changing journey of discovery

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I will always be grateful to God: Cathy West

Cathy West has always known she was adopted.

It did not stop her from having a good life, but it did make her curious about who she had come from.

The Bermudian author drew on her journey to find her birth mother in writing her latest novel, The Memory of You, released by HarperCollins Publishers yesterday.

The story follows Natalie Mitchell, who has avoided the family winery in Sonoma since her twin sister died there. She is forced to return after her grandfather has a heart attack, at which point her father insists she shut the failing business down.

It’s “an exploration of the often complicated ties that bind a family, the tragedies that tear them apart and the fierce hope that bolsters faith and brings it all back around”, according to Mrs West.

Her search for her birth mother began nearly 20 years ago.

“Like most adoptees, growing up I would stare at my image in the mirror and wonder, whose nose did I have? Where did my brown eyes come from? Little things that most people take for granted, or maybe never even think about,” she said.

“My parents would talk to me about my adoption, but I always felt a great sense of guilt whenever I asked them anything, like I was betraying them in some way by wanting to know. Because of that, I ignored my curiosity. I even convinced myself I didn’t really want to know.”

In 2001 she had a change of heart and went to her father with questions. The papers he handed over included the full name of her birth mother, which was unusual for an adoption in the 1960s.

“I still can’t say exactly how or why it happened, but I suddenly knew I had to get the answers to the questions I’d been asking my whole life,” Mrs West said. “And I wouldn’t be able to rest until I had them.

“As strange as it sounds, holding those documents in my hand gave me a sense of validation. I came from somewhere. Someone. And she had a name.”

Mrs West began her search online, signing up with adoption registries and joining a few support groups.

“Within a week, going on information I had about her, I was pretty sure I had found the right person,” she said.

“I’m really not a phone person. I debated making the call that would change the course of both of our lives, but in the end I chickened out and opted to send her a letter instead.

“I’m sure I lost my mind several times over in the weeks it took for her to respond. Finally convinced that my letter had gotten lost somewhere over the Atlantic, I summoned courage and sent an e-mail to the woman I believed to be my birth mother.”

The woman responded. Their correspondence, which “mostly revolved around the weather and her dogs”, continued for roughly a year.

“I quickly figured out that I was a secret she intended to keep and carry with her to the grave,” Mrs West said. “By the end of that year, I was an emotional wreck and my friends and family were begging me to cut contact with her and give it up. But I couldn’t.”

She was surprised when her mother let it drop that she had a sister.

“Suffice to say, things went from bad to worse in my relationship with my birth mother after that. She was running scared now, afraid that I would contact my sister and blow her out of the water. I could have. I wanted to. It’s probably fair to say I have never wanted anything more fiercely in my life. I didn’t know whether my sister would want to know me, but I firmly believed she had the right to know. But again, after praying things over and receiving good Godly counsel, I knew deep down that I needed to wait.”

Months passed before Mrs West “acted on impulse” and sent a letter.

She heard nothing for ages and became convinced that any hope of meeting her family was gone.

“Still, I had to believe that God works all things together for good. I didn’t understand it. There were days when I was angry, days when I questioned why I ever bothered to search in the first place, but in my grief, I grew closer to Him. And then one day, I sat down at my computer, checked my e-mail, and screamed. There was an e-mail from my sister.”

The two have met several times in the ten years since.

“Each time I get in the car and we head toward the place I came from, it feels like coming home,” Mrs West said. “I can’t explain it. It just is. About a year after our first meeting, I was given the gift of being able to meet my birth mother. It was another weekend of miracles, and I will be forever grateful to God for orchestrating the events that took place over those three days. She passed away five months later, but I believe we both found the peace and healing we needed.

“My sister and I know without a doubt that God had planned our reunion long before either of us knew of the other’s existence. It has been a powerful testimony in our lives, and in the lives of others.”

•Follow her journey here: www.catherinejwest.com

Family focus: Cathy West’s new book