Dear Dr Nekia,

How can I get my woman to understand that I need more sleep? I often work 10 to 12 hour days so when I come home I am tired. I just want to relax and get some rest but my woman wants to stay up and talk and have sex all the time. Don’t get me wrong, the sex is good but I feel like it is draining me. I am trying my best to keep up with her but I sometimes end up falling asleep on the job, or grumpy. Is there any thing that I can do?

Sincerely,

She Drains Me

Dear She Drains Me,

It is very difficult to find energy for things outside of work when you are working such long hours. In this case, it is not so much her who is draining you but your lifestyle and work habits.

Many men expect that their woman will understand and be content with a lack of relationship and quality time, but this is not a fair or realistic request. Let’s face it, no one wants to be sitting around bored, watching you work and sleep life away. However, if life does require you to work as hard as you do, you definitely will need to refuel and recharge your body more efficiently. Start by taking in more tonic foods and drinks. See a nutritionist, or take some time to research proper diet on the internet.

There are a variety of foods out there that build up stamina, and some are specific to males. Cut out any junk and supplement this by getting adequate rest.

You may not be able to get the hours of sleep that you need but you can improve the quality; essential oils such as lavender and chamomile can help here. Also, meditation music and nature sounds can work together to create a better sleeping environment.

Turn off the TV and keep cell phones away from the sleeping area. Train your mind and body to rest without the usual noise and distractions. Invest in comfortable bedding and pillows and turn your bedroom into a peaceful sanctuary.

When you walk into it, you should automatically feel a level of relief and calmness; keep it clean and clutter-free.

You may need to also refrain from sex for a while until you can rebuild your energy reserves. Work on these areas and maybe keep the intimacy through massage, or by showering together. When you are feeling better sex should be a whole lot more enjoyable for you.

Avoid using sexual enhancement supplements. While they give you a temporary boost, they drain the body in the long run, which can lead to serious consequences regarding your sexual and overall health.

Remember to re-evaluate how things are going with your partner; do not think it stressful should one or both of you have needs or wants that are not being met. Hear one another out and be compassionate.

Remember that you are a team and always do your best to be considerate while keeping a positive attitude towards one another. How you view your partner goes a long way in how problems get resolved.

Negative outlook often leads to negative attitudes and actions which causes couples to get stuck in a pattern of argument and contention.

Dear Dr Nekia,

What do you do when love pulls you in one direction but life pulls you in another? No one ever told me that when love finally came it might not sync up with the other things going on in my life. Now it seems like I either have to sacrifice love or success. How is someone supposed to make the choice between life and love?

Sincerely,

Life or Love

Dear Life or Love,

Life is full of choices. It’s often said in business that great risk offers the potential for a huge reward, it would seem that this holds true for love as well. Love often appears in the most unlikely people, places and times during our lives and it often requires us to interrupt our plans to accommodate it.

Its unexpectedness is part of its beauty, but you have to be open to the change that it brings if you want to benefit from its happiness.

Life is made up of choices and what we select for ourselves is what shapes our path. Maybe choosing love will not mean that we choose the specific path that we envisioned or set out to create for ourselves when we are single, but love is never a death sentence.

You will have to decide what you are and are not willing to give up or change for love. However, be careful. You should never have to completely lose sight of yourself or alter who you are. In the end, love should add to your life and should enhance you as a person.

Be honest about whether or not you will be happy sacrificing personal visions for love; try not to look at it as an either or scenario. I don’t think that it is a matter of having to choose as much as it is a matter of having to let go of what we think is best for us and what we think that happiness and success looks like. In love, and in life, there are infinite possibilities and we often run into trouble when we limit ourselves to only the imaginable outcomes that we see before us. True success and true happiness requires us to release a level of control — and you may need to do this here.

Stop calculating outcomes and start learning to embrace experiences as they come. Allow yourself the freedom to consider and to live outside of the limited choices you have already envisioned for yourself. From there, you should be able to make better decisions about how to move forward in love and in life.

Remember that there may need to be great sacrifice involved, but do not let this deter or scare you. Such a shift may be what is needed to move you in the right direction for personal growth and happiness.

• Want relationship advice? E-mail nakedtruth@royalgazette.com