Five years ago, Selina Meade learnt a very valuable lesson: pain is often our biggest teacher.

She was in a relationship with a “wonderful man”; everything about him looked great on paper.

There was just one significant factor affecting their ability to be a successful twosome — he wasn’t committed to God.

“He wasn’t a bad individual by any means. He was great. He just wasn’t best suited for me,” she said. “From a spiritual perspective, we shouldn’t have even dated.

“We all know as believers we shouldn’t be unequally yoked, but we try to give people the benefit of the doubt. However, God has given us guidelines to help set us up to succeed. In the beginning, this individual desired to be more committed in his Christian walk, but he desired to do so out of his desire for me.

“I believe he was well-intentioned, but the Lord impressed upon me that this would ultimately result in a negative outcome. His pursuit for God would not have lasting power and I knew that deal breaker would be our demise and downfall.”

Although it was hard saying goodbye to the relationship and, more importantly, the friendship, Ms Meade discovered a lot about herself through the healing process. She shares these observations and more in her book, Life Lessons from a Broken Heart.

She hopes it will help people to become more self-aware and look at areas of their life which may be difficult or challenging.

“I’m hoping that people will start to apply some of these observations to their lives and reflect on themselves and where they need to improve, because if you want to attract a certain kind of somebody you should aspire to have those same attributes,” she said.

“Often, we are quick to challenge someone else on their deficiencies in a relationship but are we taking the time to recognise where we are falling short?”

Ms Meade was writing another book when the inspiration for this one came about. It started out as therapy as she documented thoughts about the break-up but it soon became clear this was the story she was meant to prioritise.

One of its underlying messages is it’s not wise to throw “your heart up into the sky and [wait] for just anyone to catch it”.

“That’s not enough of a standard for oneself,” she said. “You have to know what you are seeking and spend some time knowing yourself and God, before getting into a relationship with someone else. As wonderful as it may be, getting married isn’t always the final destination. Some of us have to go through a season of being by ourselves and facing our own issues so we don’t bring that baggage into a relationship with someone else.

“I want people who read this and to be willing to embrace the fact that what comes with trials — after the pain — is usually growth. I have this book right now and the only reason was because I challenged myself to look at myself, dig deep and turn my painful situation into something that was extremely powerful.”

Instead of sweeping tough emotions under the rug, Ms Meade believes that leaning in and embracing them leads to something better.

“I’ve planned events for singles in the past and now I’ve written this book, but I don’t want to be the poster child for being single,” she said.

“My mindset has evolved and I’m embracing singleness and its many advantages. It can really be a great season in your life. And when the time comes, if you choose to be with someone, my advice is to make sure not only are they worthy, but that God is guiding you to that relationship.

“If He is, He will show up and protect you. He will make it clear if this individual is meant to be with you and vice versa.”

• Life Lessons from a Broken Heart is available in local stores and Amazon.com. Ms Meade will host a book launch at the Hamilton Princess next Saturday at 7pm. Buy tickets at Exsellence.bm. She’ll sign copies of her book at Brown & Co on April 13, 11am-3pm