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Changing your behaviour through mental programming

Steps to Success:There is always more than one way of looking at things.Admittedly, sometimes it can be hard to get out of our own mindset, and either back down from or just let go of our position. After all, we see things the way we do based on our past experiences, our beliefs, and our senses.These are our filters. They are individual to each of us and, if we’ve never questioned them before, this way of thinking and our habitual way of reacting is all we know so we assume it’s right or at least, the only way.However, sometimes our current ways of thinking, developed through our formative years, don’t necessarily serve us best. Being trapped in our opinion or rigid viewpoint closes us off from new possibilities, can create unnecessary conflict, and keep us stuck in a recurring negative pattern.Today we’re looking at how to shake up our thinking, flip and stretch our point of view and just be willing to consider some alternate versions so we can choose for ourselves what would work best for us in any situation. One way of doing this is to consider the NLP Presuppositions.NLP stands for Neuro Linguistic Programming, a daunting title for a toolbox of exercises designed to give us more conscious control over our thought and behaviour patterns so we can choose how to behave and react, rather than doing what we’ve just been programmed to do over time.If what we’ve been doing isn’t getting the results we want, NLP can help us find a new way of behaving or thinking to better serve us.The Presuppositions are a list of perspectives that offer a different slant on a situation. The idea is that you don’t even have to believe they are true, just try them out and see what insights and alternatives emerge that you can use to better develop yourself, your relationships, navigate a situation, make decisions etc.By adopting these alternate perspectives, if only briefly, we can create more options for ourselves, and give ourselves flexibility to choose the best way forward.There are about 15 core presuppositions so called because NLP practitioners pre-suppose these to be true as a way of keeping an open mind when interacting with clients.. Here are a few of them:The Map is not the Territory: This is one of the fundamentals of NLP. Just like when you’re on the road, the red line on the map is not the road itself, it is an interpretation of the road, hopefully done as accurately as possible by the map-maker. This presupposition suggests that our mental maps are just maps, not the reality. So we don’t respond to reality, we respond to our interpretation of reality.My mental map of the world is different to yours. As a hotelier wants different things on a map compared to hikers, so too people have totally different criteria of what’s important and as such each of our maps differs.Some people have better maps than others for navigating situations. We can learn from looking at the beliefs and strategies of these successful people and correct and adjust our own maps accordingly.Whatever the state of our maps, that doesn’t mean we always make good choices even what we choose for ourselves can be self-defeating, bizarre, cruel etc. But given what we perceive to be our options at a given time, we do our best. The key here is to increase our understanding of our options so that we have more freedom and flexibility and so choose wisely.NLP also presupposes that we are not defined by our behaviour and that if we had a better choice of action to achieve the same positive intention, we would take it.You already have all the resources you need to achieve what you want, or you can create them: There are no unresourceful people, only unresourceful states of mind. If we can best position our internal thoughts and feelings, we will always be able to find the solutions we are looking for. For example: someone embroiled in self-pity or feeling they are helpless and the situation is hopeless, might find it difficult to see a way forward. However, believing that we can always find a solution for improvement, even if only by adjusting our attitude and reactions, we allow for the possibility of positive change.The meaning of any communication is not just what you intended but the response you get: The point of any real communication is to convey an intended message. However, sometimes others misinterpret our message, miss our intention and respond negatively.Instead of getting angry and frustrated at the other person, we can be flexible in our communication approach and keep adjusting until we get across the message we intended. Other people’s reaction and response is as much a reflection of your communication as their interpretation. How can you take responsibility and adjust accordingly?And my favourite: There is no failure, only feedback.Imagine what we could achieve if we believed this was true and who is to say it isn’t? Our brains naturally work by trial and error. Just because we haven’t succeeded yet at something, doesn’t mean we don’t have the opportunity to.When we look at every set-back just as feedback, giving us something to learn and grow from and try differently the next time, then we are freer to try more, fear less and keep persevering.Again, NLP does not claim these presuppositions are true, it is simply an exercise of seeing how they can inform our thinking and behaviour if we were to believe them to be true at a given time.One exercise I do with clients feeling stuck in a negative thinking/behaviour pattern, is to write some of these presuppositions on separate pieces of paper and spread them out on the floor. Take a moment to step onto each one individually, taking the issue or indecision or challenge etc. into that space with you, believing it for the time you are on it.See what new thoughts it generates, how your perspective changes and what insights are gained. Move around the presuppositions and see how they inform each other and what new solutions this way of thinking presents. It can be very useful for changing up our thinking and if it can support you in furthering your success, surely it’s worth a try.Julia Pitt is a trained success coach and certified NLP practitioner. For further information telephone 705-7488 or visit www.juliapittcoaching.com.