Log In

Reset Password
BERMUDA | RSS PODCAST

Got a problem? Ask Carla This week: A distraught father asks if he’s a bad dad

Dear CarlaI am so frustrated! I have a son with my ex-wife and I pay for everything. In addition to paying $100 child support per week, he is on my insurance.I buy all his clothes, pay for of his extra-curricular activities, food and everything in between and yet his mother is demanding through the courts that I pay an additional $300 per week.Did I mention I take him to the majority of his sporting events and watch, even when I have to work and she attends virtually nothing? Yet she tells people that I am a bad father.I like living in the East End. She lives in Town. Most of his sports’ training is closer to her yet she refuses to take him. But I do. She has a car; I don’t.I love my son but I will be extremely upset if the courts grant her the $300 she’s demanding. Does this make me a bad dad because I think she is being unreasonable?BAFFLEDDear Baffled,It is women like her who annoy me. First, let me applaud you for being dedicated to your child’s all around development. It sounds like your ex is trying to extort you, not work with you to support your child.Considering that you do so many things for your son, I do not feel that you are being unreasonable at all. I totally agree with you that she is being a total jerk.There are too many deadbeat fathers out there who do nothing for their children, so when I hear of men like you who are willing, yet being taken advantage of, it angers me.My mother always taught me that documentation is key so I hope you save all receipts and proof of support of what you provide so that she cannot get into court and refute your claims. I wish you nothing but the best.Dear Carla,What am I to do? I am currently in a relationship but I am not happy. I want to leave my boyfriend but I cannot seem to disconnect. We have no children or assets together so there is no reason for me to stay besides I love him.Recently I found out he was cheating. He said this will not happen again; I want to believe him but something deep down in telling me that he is lying to me. I have asked myself over and over why do I choose to stay in this unhappy situation (he is fine, it’s me). And the answer is always based on my emotions, not my logic. I feel trapped and confused.IN SEARCH OF PEACEDear Peace,One of the hardest lessons to learn in life is knowing when is the right time to let go of a toxic relationship. If counselling is not an option for you, then take some time to write a list of the benefits of being in the relationship versus the downfalls.I know it sounds cliched but it really works. Take a long hard look at what you come up with and then take a decision from there.Cheating is a very hard pill to swallow. Only you can decide to believe him or not. But if you decide to stay, forgive him and let it go. Remaining and holding on to the past is only a recipe for disaster.Dear Carla,I just wanted to share this with your readers ... what is it with us women of colour? Why is it that some women are so insecure about the next woman no matter if its your mom, aunt, cousin, or your friend’s cousin?Why do some women act like they like you, befriend you and then stab you in the back? What’s up with that?The deceit among so called friends is bizarre and juvenile. I am talking about females over the age of 30, not some 15 year old high school girls!I am not saying this doesn’t happen with non-Black females however, we sisters of the rainbow can be very vindictive, manipulating, and just plain cruel to each other.Women here on this rock and those around the world for that matter, need to check themselves and get it together. We will have less issues in our relationships with men if we could respect ourselves and other women.Our children would not be dragged into unnecessary drama because of another woman and the examples go on and on.Beyonce couldn’t have said it better: Girls run the world! But some of you don’t even know it.They’re too busy getting in other women’s business, jealous cause she has something you only think you do not have ... come on my sisters you all are wasting precious time.Take time to check yourself including your female friends. Do they respect themselves? Do they bring value to your life or drama?I say all of this to say that I have had my share of sharp pointed objects in my back and I have checked myself and continue to do so. But I found happiness in self.I am my best friend first before I am the best friend I can be for others. I have no hidden agendas in befriending other females.I don’t want her man, I don’t want her life, and I don’t have to pretend to be caring and true. But I am still baffled at the daily drama females dish out to each other when we work and play. The world is waiting for us to take our rightful place.I just needed to share this with you and your readers in hope that it starts the cycle of repair.SISTAH SISTAH