Dear Carla: My parents divorced when I was young and both were remarried by the time I was ten. While I have had a good relationship with my stepfather, it has not been the same with my dad’s wife. She has never been nice to me, and I feel she only tolerates me. She has never made an effort to really get to know me, despite my dad trying to make things happen. This situation has not bothered me except I’m about to have a baby in two months, and already drama is brewing. One day daddy asked me what was the baby going to call his wife. I told him Aunty X out of respect.

He feels she should be called “nana”. I explained to him that that would not be happening, and why, and he says that I being disrespectful to her and his marriage. Then he got madder when I told him I had no problem with the baby calling my stepdad “papa”. It turned into a heated argument between us, and I have not spoken to him since. Should I encourage baby to call her “nana” or should I stick to my guns? This is the first grandchild, and I want the occasion to be a happy one. — TORN

Dear Torn: Can there be some sort of meeting in the middle? While I understand your point completely, I can also see where your father is coming from. Can I suggest you do a little research and find names that are equivalent to grandparent but in another language. Or even a nickname that can apply to both your dad and your stepmom. For example, I know a “meemar” and “meepaw”. This should be a happy time for all; not one of turmoil.

Dear Carla: I love my wife but she rarely wants to have sex. When we were dating she always did but it’s like the minute we exchanged vows, she became like Virgin Mary. I don’t want to cheat but what am I supposed to do. — ANGRY

Dear Angry: What is your wife’s image of herself? Does she think she’s fat? Ugly? Does she love her body? Have you asked her why she’s no longer interested? Have you changed physically, and perhaps she sees you as unattractive. I’m not being facetious, but these could be potential causes. There are many good relationship counsellors on the Island who can help you work through this issue. Cheating should never be an option. Ever.

Dear Carla: Since we have broken up, my children’s father refuses to speak to me, and no longer supports the children emotionally. A few weeks ago, on the rare occasion that we spoke, he asked me to come back to him. I refused. Especially in light of the fact that he has a girlfriend. Since then, he’s virtually become a stranger. The children ask for him all the time, and when I call he doesn’t answer the phone. I’m to the point where I can’t be bothered, but my children are hurt. I’ve tried talking to him but he refuses to listen. How do I find a balance that’s on the best interest of the children? — ROCK AND HARD PLACE

Dear Rock: There is NOTHING you can do because you can’t control his actions. He is disconnecting by his own choice. It’s not for me to say he doesn’t love the children but he clearly doesn’t have their emotional well being at heart. I would stop calling him. The children will eventually stop whining. I know it’s hard to see them in pain but this too shall pass. Do you have a relative or family friend who can act as an liaison for you? Sometimes a third party makes it easier. And by the way, he’s clearly still in love with you.

Dear Carla: I am having a function and I don’t want to invite some of my family members (first cousins) because they are rude and uncouth. My mom says I am wrong and that I should invite them, even the ones who most likely won’t come. I feel why should I waste time and energy. I don’t care if they get angry. How would you a handle this? — NO NEED TO RSVP

Dear No Need: It’s your function so you can choose to invite or not. It’s not always conducive to invite everyone anyway, especially if you have a large family. I remember years ago one of my cousins got married and she only invited her and her parents’ siblings and a handful of friends. It was her special day so who were any of us who weren’t invited to question that? You owe no one any explanations. Just plan your event and get on with it. Have fun!

Have you got a problem you want Carla to help you solve? Get in touch with her via e-mail at communicationscz@gmail.com