Dear Carla: How close is too close for comfort? A guy is trying to holler at me, and I am attracted to him but he used to be my cousin’s boyfriend for a few years. They broke up a while ago and she has a boyfriend who she has been with for years. Bermuda is small, so men options are limited but I think this would not be cool. He says it’s no big deal. What should I do? And should I tell her? Should I ask her permission?

CONFUSED

Dear Confused: That is sticky. How close cousins are you? If you are first cousins than I would say leave him alone. Any more than that, I would say go for it. Although I don’t think that you need to ask her permission, I think that you should at least tell her so that she doesn’t have to hear about the relationship from someone else or bump into you guys somewhere. That would be uncomfortable. Since she has moved on I do not see why she would react negatively, but you never know. If I was in your shoes I would keep it discreet until I was sure that it was going to be a real relationship. Makes no sense stirring the pot unnecessarily.

Dear Carla: I went out this weekend and was horrified!! What happened to our young ladies?? I realise that I may be a little older and a little out of touch with today’s youth and I don’t expect this generation to be just like ours, I realise that they are far less inhibited than we were.

But, no matter what the age – RESPECT for yourself should always be in style. Some young ladies (and I use the term loosely!) had on the tightest, shortest, most provocative pum pum shorts that I have ever seen!! I swear they could have been thongs!!

Are they really selling these shorts like that or are they buying them two sizes too small and cutting them? They were gyrating with, and grinding three and four guys at a time, making inappropriate gestures with their head and mouth to the guys dancing with them in front! It looked like an X-rated movie! It was unreal!! I felt so sad for them. Don’t these girls understand the message that they are sending these guys?? If they don’t I’ll give them a clue – ITS NOTHING GOOD!!

DISGUSTED

Dear Disgusted: While you may have been appalled, and I am sure you were not alone in your opinion, unfortunately this has become a norm. You said they were dancing with men. If the men didn’t like it, they wouldn’t dress like that. And most males LOVE it because it gives them eye candy…and if the females thrive off the attention, you now have an unrelenting cycle. But it all starts at home. We have to teach our young ladies that they do not have to dress in that manner to consider themselves attractive. And we should teach our sons that a woman’s worth is based on more than how much skin she is showing.

Dear Carla: I am 15 and I want to have sex but my parents will not allow me to go on the Pill. I know you are going to say that I am too young to want to do this but I am not changing my mind. Someone told me to just get an adult to take me to the clinic and they can sign for me. Should I? I don’t want any babies.

PLEASE HELP

Dear Please: Do not deceive your parents. Sex is not worth it in this case. And neither is the boy who you want to betray them for. If you are insistent on having sex, you can use condoms. The Pill will not protect you from STD’s. Yes I will tell you wait, but since you seem to have your mind made up, at least listen to me about not deceiving your parents.

Dear Carla: I have found out some very disturbing things about my boyfriend’s past. We have been together two years and I have seen none of the actions which I have heard about. I got the information from very credible people so I don’t think that they are lying. They are telling me that I should leave him but I am not so sure. I can go by what he has shown me.

TORN

Dear Torn: Sit down with him and talk to him about what you have learned. Give him the opportunity to give his version of things and what caused him to act in such a manner. If you are satisfied with his response then leave the past in the past and focus on the future. People can change and circumstances sometimes occur based on who one is dealing with. Have the talk with him and take it from there. Good luck!