Relationships can often be complicated. Nekia Walker is an expert at answering the difficult questions in an honest, non-judgmental way.

Her column, The Naked Truth, will appear in the Lifestyle section of The Royal Gazette every Monday. She’s replaced Carla Zuill, who is pursuing other ventures.

Her approach to mind-body wellness includes a focus on personal relationships and she’ll share that knowledge in her column. Wondering how to spice up your relationship with your spouse? Concerned your best friend is piling on the pounds? E-mail nakedtruth@royalgazette.com for advice.

Dear Nekia, I was dating a man for a few months and although we were intimate, things did not work out. I was the one to end it, and I thought that things ended pretty well.

However, a few weeks ago I saw him while I was out for happy hour with some of my girlfriends. Ever since he has been calling and texting me all hours and I have asked him to stop. I even changed my phone number.

This past week, I agreed to have him come over one evening after work because I thought that maybe if I told him how I felt face to face, that this would help him understand that I am no longer interested. But that did not go too well. We began to talk and have a few laughs but he began to come onto me. I tried to decline his advances, but he continued and told me that I will always “want him deep down inside”.

A part of me feels that I should go to the police, but I am afraid that they will not take me seriously since we used to date and I invited him over that night. Do men really think this way — that once they have been intimate with a woman, she will always want him? — FEELING VIOLATED

Dear Feeling Violated, Your ordeal with this man concerns me. First of all, I am not sure how far he took things that evening, but if you are feeling violated then you should by all means contact the police. Make an appointment to speak with a detective and at the very least they can advise you on how to handle this man’s unsolicited persistence.

While inviting him over was maybe not the smartest decision this invitation does not give him the right to violate you in any way. Whether it be a stranger, an ex, someone you are dating, or a spouse, unwanted sexual advances are considered rape, or at the very least sexual assault.

Often victims of sexual assault feel a sense of responsibility or guilt, but this is in great deal part due to the intimate nature of the offence. It is important that you realise that invitation for company, conversation, or laughs shared does not equal ownership of your body; and taking ownership of your body is exactly what happens when a man decides that he does not hear “no”. “No means no” in EVERY situation.

Now, to answer your question, it is a very common belief among men that once they have been intimate with you, you will be more inclined to want to have sex with them again. They key word here is WANT. Whether this sentiment has some truth to it or not, it does not pertain to your situation because you expressed that you did not want to. Your ex used that reasoning to justify his actions to you and more importantly to himself. He wanted to weaken your resolve by making you feel confused about your emotions, and needed to convince himself that what he was doing was OK. Rape and sexual assault is very rarely about sex. It is most often about power and control — control over the victim, and the power that is felt within the offender.

Contact the proper authorities and/or support personnel, so that you can avoid this from happening again.

Dear Nekia, I have been living with my girlfriend for a few months, and at first it was good but now she is being so inconsiderate of my feelings. When I try to tell her how I feel about things that come up in the relationship it is an argument. We go to bed and wake up in the morning not speaking and nothing gets solved because we end up talking since we live together.

As if this was not enough, I found her on Facebook and texting people making it seem like she is this perfect woman doing everything she can for the relationship to work which makes me look bad. She is playing the victim to everyone, and other interested men are giving her more attention, which she must like since she is texting them back.

I really do care about her and want things to work out between us, but I am beginning to think that it is just best that I walk away. How can I get her to stop talking to everyone else and talk to me about our problems instead? — THE REAL VICTIM

Dear The Real Victim, It sounds as though there is more going on inside of her mind than you realise. I do not know her side of things, but I would bet that she is carrying some leftover hurt. This could be from you, a previous relationship, or something completely unrelated. Moving in together may have been the trigger for the change in her behaviour. She may be feeling as though things are really serious between the both of you and for whatever reason she is acting out and may be putting up defences or resistance to the progression of the relationship. She turns to social media and others for validation in her expressing herself, and let’s face it, no one wilfully wants to paint themselves in a negative light to the world. Know that she is more concerned with receiving positive reinforcement for her behaviour rather than being concerned with making you out to be the bad guy, which happens by default. Even though this seems very unfair, try to not take this personally, because really these actions are more about her than they are about you.

It is my guess that she continues to do this because she is receiving exactly what she is seeking — positive attention from others (men in particular) — which counteracts the negative attention that she is receiving from you at home. In order to move past this, you would need to find the real reason behind her arguing with you so much; and this will be easier said than done if it is due to hurt that she has been carrying with her for a long time. Try to give her some space. Carry on your days as usual, give it some time and do not confront her about anything that is bothering you.

During this time keep watch of her behaviours and reactions to you. If she becomes more loving towards you, you may want to attempt to gently discuss your concerns in a non-blaming way. If there is no change in her actions, and you are both committed to the relationship working, you may want to suggest that you seek further professional help for your relationship.

Dear Nekia, My wife and I have both gained considerable amounts of weight and it is definitely affecting our sex life. I think we both have been in denial about it as we find other things to keep ourselves busy just to avoid sex. We went for our annual physicals together, as we always do, and besides our noticeable increase in weight, we are both healthy so there are no medical reasons why we can not enjoy a healthy sex life like we used to.

I am kind of embarrassed about not having the energy that I use to have, and I feel like I would almost rather just not have sex at all than to disappoint my wife. My wife says that she feels the same way about her decreased energy for sex but I do not think that she feels the same amount of pressure as I do as a man.

My friends have suggested different pills to help out but I really do not want to become dependent upon them. Help Doc! My wife and I need to get our sex life back on track. — MARRIED & SEXLESS

Dear Married & Sexless, I am glad to hear that your doctor gave you both a clean bill of health this year. Weight gain does negatively affect your sex drive however. The increased weight is putting more strain on your heart and lungs, and this slows down blood circulation. As a result you may notice that you do not get erections as often, as easy, or as firm as you use to.

For women, we may notice that our flexibility and our appetite for sex has decreased. Less obvious is that our bodies become less able to handle stress very well as we increase in unhealthy weight. So, you may fatigue just from the daily stressors of work and home life; and this may result in sex not even being a thought much less a priority in your relationship. Once this happens, it can be quite easy to become comfortable in a sexless routine which will slowly affect the nature of your relationship with your spouse.

The obvious answer to your problem would be for you and your wife to engage in some sort of exercise and nutrition programme together. However, the less obvious help will come from relearning how to be intimate with one another during this time of lack of energy.

One area that you could address is the way that you have sex. Sexual positions that you may have previously engaged in when you both were much lighter, may be too taxing on the body for you right now. Modify your favourite positions, and always opt for comfort over novelty and performance. Use more support in the form of pillows, and slow down! Sex with your partner is not a race and it is not a competition so relax, breathe, and enjoy one another. Talk more, caress more, laugh more, and encourage one another to do what feels right and comfortable in that moment.

I would not suggest the use of performance enhancing supplements, medicinally chemical or natural, unless there is a medical or physiological need for them. Reason being, your body does become dependent upon them, and over time these supplements may overtax an otherwise healthy system that may just need rest or a boost. Opt for a good natural tonic instead if either one of you absolutely feel that you need help in this area. There are also foods that can give you a boost in this area so it may be a good idea to visit a nutritional specialist for more information.