Fear not, Newcastle fans, John Carver is the best coach in the Premier League. Or so he says.

Eight straight defeats would suggest he is about as coherent as a late-night session at the House of Assembly.

But let’s give him his due. Carver has orchestrated a U-turn of public opinion a politician can only dream of — in the wrong direction, of course.

From the good ol’ Geordie propping up a club now sadly every bit as cheap and second-rate as the sports shops owned by club chairman Mike Ashley, he now looks like a chump.

Rows with his own supporters, an extraordinary press conference when he turned on his own players and a delusional proclamation that he is the best are all reminders that management really is a skill — and not one he possesses. That being said, for the neutral it’s hard not to watch the Newcastle car crash right now.

The arrogance of Ashley for not spending money on a proper replacement for Alan Pardew could come home to roost with relegation — and few would shed a tea.

Still, I expect the league’s best coach to get them out of trouble.

Tomorrow’s games

11am kick-off unless stated

Everton v Sunderland

8.45am

The North East club have clung to the coat-tails of those above them to be only one point adrift from safety. No one, however, is pretending they are playing particularly well.

They’ll need Everton to reproduce their first-half performance against Aston Villa to have a chance of victory.

Prediction: 2-1

Aston Villa v

West Ham United

Despite Villa’s improved form, they remain just two points off the relegation zone. The key is front man Christian Benteke but the Hammers have kept three consecutive clean sheets against them suggesting they potentially have the muscle to deal with the Belgian.

Prediction: 1-1

Hull City v Burnley

Burnley’s problem is scoring goals but they will not just give up on their fight for survival.

Hull got blown away by Arsenal last time out but, according to reports, have never won a Premier League match in May. This could be their first.

Prediction: 2-0

Leicester City v

Southampton

Gary Lineker called Leicester boss Nigel Pearson ‘weird’ this week but there is no doubt he is inspiring an increasingly likely escape act.

Saints will be a tough test and a draw won’t be a bad result for the home side.

Prediction: 1-1

Newcastle United v

West Bromwich Albion

A team in chaos against a team coming off the back of a win at Old Trafford. Who’s your money on? Thought so.

Prediction: 1-2

Stoke City v

Tottenham Hotspur

The battle to avoid the Europa League rages on. Close game, no one — least of all Spurs — really desperate for a win. Probably a draw,

Prediction: 1-1

Crystal Palace v

Manchester United

1.30pm

United on a mission to avoid their fourth-straight defeat but then so are Palace.

Will be a cracking atmosphere at Selhurst Park and watch out for Wilfried Zaha — a man with a point to prove.

Prediction: 2-2

Sunday’s games

Manchester City v Queens Park Rangers

9.30am

QPR have improved since Chris Ramsay took over but they are short at this level. One suspects former manager Harry Redknapp’s knee surgery has cleared up rather quickly — he knew what was coming. City, if they want it, should have a field day.

Prediction: 4-0

Chelsea v Liverpool

12pm

A Liverpool guard of honour is expected for the newly crowned champions, which will stick in Steven Gerrard’s throat.

The Reds can expect no charity here, though, and Jose Mourinho will demand a victory — and get it.

Prediction: 3-1

Monday’s game

Arsenal v Swansea

4pm

The Gunners are playing some breathtaking football, with sceptics pointing to the fact the pressure is off.

Still, optimistic Arsenal fans will see this good run as a precursor to next season’s title charge.

Prediction: 3-0