An independent take on independence

  • Talking independence: Ryan Perinchief, left, with Cordell Riley and Phil Perinchief (Photograph by Jonathan Bell)

    Talking independence: Ryan Perinchief, left, with Cordell Riley and Phil Perinchief (Photograph by Jonathan Bell)


Dear Sir,

What follows is a late response to the independence forum I attended last summer. Considering how important the topic is to future generations, I thought the forum was about as well attended as Jeffrey Dahmer’s funeral.

I recall overhearing someone calling the forum a bourgeois event; it was the truest thing I would hear that evening.

Phil Perinchief had the economic aptitude of Clement Attlee minus the latter’s redeeming features. Alex Scott sounded like Kim Jong Un. Lloyd Williams spoke the most sense. Ryan Robinson Perinchief proved that higher education doesn’t equate to having an open mind.

These details are unimportant, however. So was the forum. What matters is how it reinforced how Bermudians have perhaps the best balderdash detectors in the world — they’re just afraid to use them, lest they become ostracised.

That is always the excuse: you can’t speak up in Bermuda because Bermuda’s too small — I am sick and tired of this bs excuse being peddled to me by whites and blacks and Portuguese and Filipinos, and anyone else who can’t be bothered to foster change on this island.

One of the Butterfield elders once said it was important rich Bermudians continued to perform charitable acts — donations, etc — so that a welfare state could never materialise, which would in turn remove this totem pole of exchange. This is a disgusting disregard for human life. It places money and status ahead of emotional wealth and equality. It indicates the systemic moulding of an unfair society performed under the guise of goodwill.

Why is this important? Because the Progressive Labour Party is using the independence movement in the same way. But they — apart from method actors such as Cordell Riley, naturally — are bad actors. They don’t pretend to want emotional wealth. They don’t pretend to want equality. They want to make a black state — or BS, appropriately — run by black folks who will be greedier than the Butterfields ever were. Business will be sweet for those who run the show.

Robinson Perinchief said independence would never serve as a catalyst for racial harmony. In the event of independence, then, what are we gonna do with all these white and Portuguese, Filipino and Irish, Scottish and Canadian-Bermudians? That’s a truckload of snow if I ever saw one.

The only option I see is to export them as produce. Sell them to European fruit & veg merchants who will in turn sell them at inflated prices to post-Brexit Britain. From the stories of racism I hear, to the politically stoked intolerance ringing up and down Britain at present, I can honestly make the case that what Britain wants right now is a big old delivery of snowy Catholics and Protestants from Bermuda — because its despot, King Abdullah David Burt Mohammed I, didn’t want them puttin’ a hurtin’ on his vision.

“As far as solutions go, this sounds like a bad idea.”

If only Burt and his inner oval of frenemies could utter such brave sentences.

If the black state is our future; if the PLP wants whites to whiten, and for blacks to blacken; if segregation is what Bermuda really needs, then so be it. But it will fail. And when leaders and lawmakers fail their country, they fail their citizens. The citizens then become indicative of the country’s failures. This is an unfair and hellish experience, as any North Korean defector will tell you. A citizen is not their leader, supreme or otherwise. And the citizenry of this speculative black state will not be accountable for its leadership’s theatric incompetence. That is the price for organised racism, the price for a disregard of human life: failed human nests.

The only way to get revenge on the white oppressors of the past, on the white money that has guided Bermuda to where it is today, is to implement what I term the “Insemination Project”.

Interracial dating and marriage is essential to the quelling of racial discord. This will undoubtedly be way more fun than gaining independence from Britain. What’s more, by 2040, everyone will be the same copperish colour. Young and old, we’ll all have the complexion of a ginger snap.

To the white and black racists of today who think this an outlandish and unrealisable idea, I say this: the whole island will be underwater by 2040 anyway, so it won’t even matter if we look like ginger snaps. We’ll live underwater in vast, bubble-dome cities because we will have voted in politicians who manage to finance and maintain societal infrastructure without cocking the whole thing up.

WALKER ZUPP

St George’s

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Published Oct 22, 2019 at 8:00 am (Updated Oct 22, 2019 at 7:29 am)

An independent take on independence

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