Dear Dr Nekia,

I’ve been dating this girl for a few months and I really want to settle down with her, but she is still saying that she does not want a commitment. I don’t know what else to do to get her to be mine. She says that she is not seeing anyone else and doesn’t want to, but she just doesn’t want to commit. I really cannot see myself with anyone else, but I do not want to be that guy who she strings along either. What do you think I should do to convince her that I am the man for her?

Sincerely,

I Want A Commitment

Dear I Want A Commitment,

I really want you to consider listening to the woman that you are dating. I also want you to pay attention to your own needs and what it is that you are looking for. Sometimes we get so caught up in what we want that we find it difficult to understand or accept what others tell us. Try to find out as much information as possible as to why she does not want a commitment. Is it because she is just not ready for one at this time? Or is it because she does not really see a long-term future with you? If you can understand more about why she is reluctant to settle down with you, then you can make better decisions about how to proceed with her. Unfortunately, you cannot convince anyone to be yours, and you can only be the best you that you can be. If your best is not good enough, then you may want to consider the fact that she may not be the one for you. Besides, you do not want to start a relationship with someone who needs extreme convincing to be with you. Usually people who need such coaxing are either currently emotionally unavailable or are not seeing or appreciating you for who you are. Like I said, I know sometimes we lose sight of what we, and others, need and deserve in order to give into who and what we want. If you find that she is hesitant because she fears getting hurt, be patient with her because the more you pressure her the further away she will drift from wanting to commit to you. However, you must be honest with yourself about how long you are willing to wait. It is not uncommon for people to take years to let go of fear and regain their nerve to settle down again. Continue to be good to her as long as she continues to be good to you. Hopefully she will put her trust in you. If she is reluctant to enter into a committed relationship for reasons other than fear or wanting to take her time, you will need to re-evaluate where you hope things will go because chances are, you are an in-the-meantime man. She will commit to someone else.

Dear Dr Nekia,

I’ve been married for three years now and my sex life almost doesn’t exist. Before I married my wife, we had sex all the time. I actually was surprised at how much she wanted to have sex, but now I’m surprised that she hardly ever wants to. She uses the usual excuses of being tired or not feeling well, but swears that she enjoys sex with me and is not cheating. What else could it be?

Sincerely,

No Sex Life

Dear No Sex Life,

Did your wife gradually decrease her desire for sex with you, or was this a sudden occurrence? The answer to this question will direct you to the root of the problem. Ask her about her general health and energy levels to pinpoint if she is having issues in other areas of her life or if it is just with sex. Also ask if she would be willing to have a physical and talk to her doctor. There may be an unknown illness or vitamin deficiency. Stress and disappointment are also major sources of reduction in libido so ask her about anything that may be on her mind. Additionally, you will want to check in with her about her happiness level within the marriage. Are things going the way that she envisioned they would? Are there any lingering issues that need resolving? Oftentimes relationship issues outside of the bedroom are main contributors to sexual issues. All areas should be explored before jumping to conclusions of infidelity or dissatisfaction in your sexual performance. Yes it is true that infidelity and dissatisfaction are common reasons for women to withdraw from sex with their husbands, but remember that it is always best to give one another the benefit of the doubt first. Being suspicious of your spouse can create other problems within the marriage — especially if they are faithful. Another, less common, reason for what you are experiencing is that women often give men what they want before marriage, but become comfortable after. For many women, walking down the aisle is a goal. They can become complacent or even completely change once the race to the altar is over. If this is the case, you would have noticed a change in sexual performance around the time of the honeymoon. Most women who are like this will only keep up with who they made you believe that they were for a time period within the first year following the honeymoon.

Dear Dr Nekia,

Does it matter whether or not a man is circumcised? I ask this because I have noticed that the men that I have been with who are not circumcised seem to enjoy sex more. I mean, they show more enthusiasm, reaction and emotion during sex. My girlfriends say that it doesn’t make a difference and when I researched it, I get mixed answers.

Sincerely,

Is Uncircumcised Better?

Dear Is Uncircumcised

Better,

I am not surprised that you would find mixed answers to your question. Much like other professions, the medical profession can be very tight-lipped and filled with politics. In countries or religions where circumcision is encouraged you will find that the answer to your question will tend to be no.

This is to encourage the public to be comfortable with the idea of circumcision. In fact, it has been recorded that certain religions and cultures who participated in slavery often circumcised males to curb their aggression and sexual appetite. You may be interested in researching that topic as well. Nevertheless, circumcision has indeed been found to reduce penile sensitivity, and even size. The reason behind this has to do with a decrease in the sensitivity of the nerve endings in the area.

As nerves are desensitised, the penis’s response to arousal can be decreased which can also cause blood flow to the area to be less than what it would be for an uncircumcised male.

During sexual arousal, nerves send signals to the brain to instruct the body that there is a greater need for blood flow to the genitals. So any interruption in the nerves being able to send this signal, will result in reduced blood flow to the penis, and blood flow is a major factor in both the size and intensity of an erection. It is true that a man can only be the size that he is meant to be, but many men do not reach their full erectile potential due to health, lifestyle and dietary decisions.

ant relationship advice? E-mail nakedtruth@royalgazette.com