Bob was a very nice dragon who lived in Bermuda. He didn’t burn any cedar trees, terrorise any Parishes or even eat any Islanders. Bob was actually a vegetarian!But ever since the King and Queen of Meat came to Parliament, they’ve been hiring forest Gombeys (forest Gombeys are the evil version of the normal village Gombey) to throw loquats at Bobs’ home and toss dirty toilet paper over the roof and treetops of Bobs’ property. Now Bob doesn’t like to breathe fire but he had to, to scare away the forest Gombeys and burn the dirty toilet paper off his house.One day Bob was having a nice time decorating his house with Christmas lights when “Splat!” a loquat whacked him across the head. Bob stomped to where he thought a forest Gombey had thrown the loquat to yell at that forest Gombey, only to find a big Christmas box!Bob looked around and called “Hello, anyone there?” There was no answer so Bob called again “Hello, anyone there?” Still no answer. Bob was about to take the box inside when he noticed there was nothing to show who had sent the box to him. Bob knew very well that it is the postal law of Bermuda to always say who sent any type of mail because so many bad things go through the mail system. So Bob decided to go and complain at the local Post Office. Bob took hold of the box and “Whoosh!” he took flight to Flatts Post Office.TWO MINUTES LATER …“Crash” Bob crashed through the ceiling of Flatts Post Office, causing several postal ladies to jump over the front desk and one of them scream a very ladylike scream, and faint.One of the ladies, who wasn’t stunned, stuttered “P p-p-please d-d-don’t e-e-eat u-u-us!”“Oh please,” Bob replied, “Don’t be such a silly head. I haven’t eaten any meat in all my life. And I’m not starting with you. I’ll leave that to the Ogres, Evil forest Gombeys and Beezwanglers, I have no inte….” but before Bob could finish a nagging voice said …“Blah, blah, blah what’s all that ruckus in here blah, blah, blah,” and in walked … THE HEAD POSTMAN. “Whoa and whoa sweet Mary above! What’s this dragon scum doing in my Post Office, well … get out get out!” yelled the Head Postman.“No Sir I will not get out, not until you tell me who sent me this big Christmas box? I never got a single letter of notice and I didn’t order anything online?” Bob replied.Looking the box over the Head Mailman said, “Oh yes, I remember who sent this. It’s a Christmas gift from the King and Queen of Meat! They asked me personally to deliver it straight away and that was hard to do on my scooter. Now get out. I don’t want dragons in here, it’s bad for business!”“Thank you kindly,” replied Bob. “Whoosh!” and Bob was off flying through the clouds.Bob doubted the Head Mailman would know what was in the box, so he decided to go and see Chris the Annoying Hermit, and Phil the part-time Talentless singer. They always seemed to know what was inside of stuff (weird right).“Whoosh!” Bob landed in front of the cedar tree that was their home. Almost the moment Bob landed, Phil danced up to Bob and sang, “Oooh there once was a mighty dragon, Bob was his name and …” with Chris interrupting by saying “Yaah, there once was an awesome hermit who’s name is Chris and….”“No, no your singing is completely off tune. It goes like this. Oh WHOOOOOOOOOOA! There once was a hermit Chri …”“Stop it both of you shut up right now or I will shove both your heads down that extremely exposed toilet!!!!!” yelled Bob while pointing at the really exposed stone toilet.“Ooh ooh me first!” cried Chris.Bob and Phil both gave Chris a puzzled look. “What? Why?” they asked together.“I always wanted to see what it is like down there,” said Chris.“Oooh so that’s why I found you with your head in the potty,” Phil finally realised (after many years of thinking).“Stop it, stop it, you two are so incredibly annoying … now, poet, tell me what is in this big Christmas box!” demanded Bob, now an extremely agitated dragon.“Ah, yes, inside this box lays a destructive and horrid exploding Christmas meatball,” replied Phil in such a serious voice, he actually didn’t seem happy (for once). “Yes this Christmas meatball will explode at exactly 12:00 Am.” explained Phil.“Thank you, I will be off.” replied Bob.“Wait, we’re coming with you!” cried Phil.“Okay, wait … where’s Chris?” asked Bob.“Here I am!” yelled Chris who came running with a large thing-a-ma-jig in his hands“What is …, I don’t want to know,” said Bob.“It’s my bullhorn!” yelled Chris, “I never leave home without it!”“Get on my back!” cried Bob.In the blink of an eye the suspicious Christmas Box, Dragon, Poet and Hermit were flying through the air. Once over Somerset Village, Chris used his bullhorn to call out to the islanders “COME SEE THE DE-THRONING OF THE KING AND QUEEN OF MEET. WAIT NO I MEAN, MEAT WAIT, I MEAN MEET, UM YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, OH AND BRING ORGANIC VEGETABLES!!!”Soon a long line of islanders was seen racing to catch up with the flying Bob“It’s going to be 12:00am in five seconds!!!!!!!!” yelled Phil in a desperate voice.“No problem!” Bob called back. “WWWHHHOOOSSSHHH, Crash, fling, BOOM!!!!!” Bob crashed through the roof of the “King and Queen of Meat’s gingerbread palace, flung the box at a nearby wall and the Christmas meatball exploded, blowing a hole in the wall. For some bizarre reason the whole time all of this was happening, the King and Queen of Meat sat not moving on their thrones with stunned gazes as they watched Phil and Chris tumble off of Bob.The King of Meat was the first to speak. “What is a dragon doing in my palace? Get out get out, or be killed by 50 forest Gombeys!”“Snap!” the King of Meat snapped his fingers and just like he said, a door swung open and 50 forest Gombeys marched into the room.“Say that’s almost just like what the Head Postman said to me! And no,King-o-Meat we will not get out. It is you who will get out!” exclaimed Bob pointing his finger at the hole in the wall.“You and what army?” retorted the Queen of Meat.“This army,” replied Phil.Chris then hollered “NOW!” into his bullhorn and in marched all the islanders holding every type of organic vegetable you could imagine. From purple broccoli to orange lettuce these islanders were ready to throw them.“Oh, now I’m scared!” gulped the King of Meat.“PEOPLE OF SOMERSET VILLAGE THROW YOUR ORGANIC VEGETABLES AT THOSE VEGETABLE HATERS!!!” cried Phil through Chris’s bullhorn. For some strange and bizarre reason the islanders obeyed and a ton of organic vegetables were seen flying through the air and straight for the royal carnivores.“NOOOOO!” cried both the King and Queen of Meat.“SPLAT!” all the organic vegetables landed with a loud splat. Everyone was quiet (with the exception of a boy who said he had to pee). Before Bob could walk up to the King and Queen of Meat, the royal meat-eaters burst out of the pile screaming “WE’RE MELTING OOHH, THIS WASN’T IN THE SCRIPT OOHHH WE’RE MELTING!!!”“Yes it is, look!” replied Chris showing the melting King and Queen his copy of this story “See, look right here. It says right in the story that the King and Queen of Meat melt under a giant pile of organic vegetables purchased from Wadson’s Farm.”“Oh OK …. We’re melting!!!” replied the Queen of Meat. Then all was silent. Bob walked up to see what was left of the evil rulers but, all he found was a pile of smouldering goop!“HOORAY!!!” cried Bob “HOORAY HOORAY!!!” cried Chris and Phil “HHHHOOORRRAAAYYY!!!!!!!!!!!” cried the people of Somerset. The whole gingerbread palace shook with cries of hooray. Even the forest Gombeys cried hooray because they really didn’t like the King and Queen of Meat.And so ends the King and Queen of Meat’s’ evil rein (and our little tale). And Bob enjoyed a very Merry Christmas with tofu turkey and vegetarian cassava pie.