ANNIE'S MAILBOX(R) FOR RELEASE: SUNDAY, AUGUST 16, 2009
Dear Annie: Two months ago, my boyfriend, "Josh," confided that his father has been verbally abusive since he was little. He also remembers his mom having bruises, but not in recent years.
However, in the last couple of weeks, his dad has been getting worse. He comes home from work extremely angry and kicks his wife and wakes her up during the night to hit her. She is often crying when Josh comes home because she's afraid to go to sleep. His dad tells them both that they are worthless and should kill themselves.
Josh's mom won't leave because she doesn't have enough money and is very religious and believes marriage is forever. However, I know she is terrified to walk out because she thinks her husband will find her and beat or even kill her. Josh's mom is the nicest lady, but even I can see that she is scared. It's difficult for me to hug my crying boyfriend who is so worn down by his dad. He worries about leaving for college in the fall because he doesn't know what will happen to his mother. Please tell me what I can do. -- Broken Down
Dear Broken: This is a terribly sad situation. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (ndvh.org) can help Josh and his mother safely leave an abusive home. Suggest that they call 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233) for help immediately. You also can call and find out if there is anything you can do besides provide a much-needed shoulder to lean on.
If there are other family members who might intercede or check up on Mom once Josh leaves for college, he ought to contact them and let them know what is happening. Abusers should not be protected by silence.
Dear Annie: My husband's family has had a vacation cottage for 40 years. The siblings are expected to share this cottage throughout the summer. Rules regarding time spent, upkeep, etc., are well laid out, but one sibling and his family flout the rules, and it drives me crazy.
The flouters infringe on everyone else's time and don't do their share of upkeep. My husband won't speak up and neither will anyone else. It's reached the point where I don't want to spend time there, but my husband insists we go because our kids love it and he feels nostalgic for his childhood vacations. It's hardly a vacation, cooking and cleaning for my own family let alone the extra people. All this stress is making me ill. How can I get him to stand up to his brother and make sure the rules are followed? -- Cottage Cranky
Dear Cranky: Call a family meeting and try to enlist the help of the other siblings to reinforce the rules. Otherwise, there's not much you can do, although there's no reason to be accommodating to uninvited guests. If they show up, make it clear they are on their own. Do not lift a finger to cook or clean for them. If you still can't take the stress, tell your husband he is welcome to take the children to the cottage without you.
Dear Annie: "Tired of It" complained that her husband hollers when he yawns and scares everyone. I saw an episode of "House" where a man exhibited similar symptoms, and one possible explanation was his body's reaction to acid reflux. Maybe "Tired" should have her husband consult an ENT or at least his primary care physician to see if there is an easy fix. -- "House" Fan
Dear Fan: We saw that episode, too. The man (played by Carl Reiner) squawked spontaneously and unexpectedly, and it turned out he had a tumor. We don't believe this is the case for "Tired of It," but you are right that it wouldn't hurt to have the hollering checked out by a medical professional (as opposed to the TV kind).
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS.COM
