Raising a man in today’s ever-changing world can feel crossing like a minefield.

But the key goals are the same as they always were: to help your boy mature into a confident, respectful, family-orientated and successful man.

Cecille Snaith-Simmons, 83, a former nurse with a passion for nurturing, abides by the same principles in raising her grandsons as she did for her son half a century ago.

She shared some pearls of wisdom, based on her own experiences.

Raising a young Black man

As parents of a Black boy, who is now a 55-year-old man with two boys of his own, we put our energies into making him a confident and self-assured person.

We prepared him for a world that often puts Black boys in situations where racism is either subtle or blatant. He had to be brought up to have the confidence to confront this in a self-assured and, although difficult, a respectful manner.

Our home was always filled with Black art, including the work of Charles Lloyd Tucker and Sharon Wilson. In 1971 there were few children’s books for Black children, and so I coloured in every book that did not portray Black characters. Goldilocks became Afro puffs. We wanted him to be proud of the colour of his skin and the texture of his hair.

Reading

My husband [Lionel Simmons] was heavily involved in politics, and I had a full-time job as a nurse and was also fighting for nurses’ rights.

We read to him on our way to work and on our way home. This was before seatbelts, so he sat on our laps, and he could read before attending school.

We encouraged comic books, which he found fascinating. He had two elderly sisters who cared for him while we were at work.

One sat with him on her lap while the other read the daily newspaper to the other and this, we believe, expanded his vocabulary.

Meals

Meals were taken as a family. There were set mealtimes and setting the table was encouraged. Meals were taken on china plates and table etiquette was gained through example.

Conversation around the day’s events was encouraged. As he grew older, and he was late for a meal, we expected a phone call to explain the delay.

Friends were encouraged to visit, and birthday parties were an example of how friends should be entertained and what behaviour is expected of guests.

Family disputes

Our house was frequently filled with laughter and disputes settled amicably. Grudges were not encouraged.

My husband and I were united on discipline, and punishment was not always administered when expected but there was a knowledge that misbehaviour and disrespect would not be tolerated.

Grandparents, aunts, uncles and older relatives and friends were treated with respect. No one was called by their first name. Older family friends were called aunt or uncle. The man who came to paint the house, the landscapers, the housekeepers were all Mr or Mrs. This set the groundwork for respectful behaviour to everyone despite their profession.

Chores

There were chores and consequences for not completing them. Bed must be made before going to school, toys and books put away. This was a difficult challenge but a lesson for life.

He was encouraged to seek summer employment and stick to it even when he discovered it was not the job he had anticipated.

Respect

‘Hi’ was never to be used as a greeting to older people. Only good morning and good afternoon were appropriate. When a pet was requested, it was not given until ground rules for its care were made and understood. This developed a sense of responsibility.

Death was not a hidden subject. It was talked about and the inevitability of life and the respect for elders as health declined. He was trained to observe their inability to perform certain tasks and the understanding of what could be done to assist, without complaint.

Failure

Failure was an important lesson. It is the way we react to failure and what we must do to improve performance.

We strongly encouraged him to think about what caused the failure and what could be done to correct this in the future. He was expected to consider the reason and what he was required to do to correct the situation.

Life skills

His weekends and school holidays were planned and we aimed to do things together. Sunday school was important and the correct attire of great importance. This set the standard for dressing appropriately for occasions.

Music lessons and boy scouting played an important role. The discipline of practising and the practical life skills learnt in scouting were essential. Sailing and swimming lessons provided by the government were important for the child who was not particularly athletic. This allowed him to excel in sport other than football and track and field.

When there was a desire to give up music or an activity, we requested he perform it for one more term. There was no giving up at the drop of a hat.

Setting an example

My husband and I grew up in two-parent homes where our parents were united in setting the groundwork for the people we are today. Our family background has been an important tool in the way we brought up our son. We are grandparents and we have the same rules for our grandsons.

Career

We never implied or encouraged him to seek a specific career, but he knew that seeking further education was expected and he had family role models who were ever present. At 16, he was off to prep school where his home training had prepared him to live away from home and with others.

Technology

Technology has replaced much of the story books, but they still have to read to understand technology. As grandparents we realise that we need to keep abreast of the times and be knowledgeable of technology and the things that influence the life of the modern child so that we can converse on their interests.

We realise that our behaviour is being observed and hopefully their behaviour mirrors the best part of us.

Cecille Snaith-Simmons is the mother of Jamahl Simmons, the Progressive Labour Party MP, and grandmother of Stephen, 31, and Nasir, 26.