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The long and shorts of it

There was a Letter to the Editor the other day about wearing Bermuda shorts with pride … err, I really got an issue with this one.

If we are going to have a national dress then it should not be the Bermuda shorts.

There are a few national costumes that are worse than Bermuda shorts; first there's that German get-up, the shorts and leather suspenders (lederhosen).

You know, the ones they wear during October Fest where they dance slapping themselves and each other.

There's something fundamentally wrong with grown men wearing green shorts, leather suspenders and dancing around slapping your partner's upper thigh.

A shiver just went down my spine!

Then there's the Scottish national dress. They may call it a kilt, but let's face it, it's a dress!

Sure they try and butch it up a bit by putting a dagger in their sock, but really, it looks more like a letter opener (I use something twice as big to clean under my toe nails) and not to mention the frilly shirt and that hairy purse-thingy that they wear over the crotch area.

Yes, they will come back at you and say “Aye that's mi Sporran” and you may ask “what is kept in the Sporran?”.

And usually with an emphasised husky voice they will say “aaa mi flask of whisky”.

Listen mate, if I had to wear that get up, it would have to be for a lot more than a flask … a fifth of Black most likely.

Of course the kilt did have its advantages during the battles against the English.

You see, as the English looked across the battlefield at the Scotts, the talk among the commanding officers would go something like this, “Hey George, are those men wearing a dress?”

“Yes General, I think they are!”

“George, did those men just moon us”?

Why yes General, I think they did!

“Well that's just not on, is it? It's just not cricket, right I'm outta here! I'm ain't fightin' no man who doesn't wear his draws!”

So you can chalk up another win to the Scotts.

Now, let me prove to you that our Bermuda shorts are not taken as seriously as we would like to think they are.

Sure there are a few people that try and keep the tradition alive, but on the whole, the only times most people that take out their pink shorts, blue shocks and blazers are for rugby tours, stag parties in Vegas and when your boss tells you it's part of your uniform.

Ooh, and get this, I seem to remember that a reporter from

The Royal Gazette sent a pair to Saddam Hussein when he banned then in Iraq.

I always wonder if that's what drove him over the edge!?

Think about this, have you ever wondered why we are doing so well in signing all those TIEA Agreements?

No, it's not because of the hard work of Madam Premier, it's because when they get wind that Bermuda wants to sign an agreement with them, they elbow each other in the ribs and say: “Hey you know Bermuda, that place where grown men are made to wear radical shorts, well they want to sign some papers. Let's go and check them out for a laugh”.

Let's face it, a man wearing shorts is only one step away from a Primary School student put a lunch box in his hand and he's all set to go.

You will notice the only one that thinks they're “very smart” are the wives of the short wearers, and that's because it makes them feel they are married to a much younger man.

As I say this, I see my wife pulling my canary yellow ones out of the moth balls!

* What do you think? E-mail grumpyoldman@royalgazette.bm

* Follow Grumpy on his Twitter page: https://twitter.com/#!/GrumpyoldmanMan

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Published March 12, 2012 at 6:00 am (Updated March 11, 2012 at 10:24 pm)

The long and shorts of it

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