I’m going to do a little pre-emptive strike this week. In other words, complain before there is anything to actually complain about.So we’ve had a little rain now, before you roll your eyes and suck your teeth and say “Oh God, he’s going to complain about the bloody weather now,” hold fire and hear me out.It’s not the weather I’m complaining about, it’s those idiots that insist on bringing out those gert big golf umbrellas whenever it rains. You know, the type where you can fit a family of four underneath them.You’ve seen them they’re like a walking bill board advertising a company or parading a restaurant menu. They take up the entire sidewalk and you have to stand in the middle of the road, risking life and limb in order to allow them to pass.Now a word of warning, don’t ever stand your ground to one of these types, as their umbrella is much like the longer arm of a boxer. They will inflict damage to you long before your dinky parasol gets anywhere near your opponent.There should be a law that stipulates the amount of square inch an umbrella covers to the amount of people seeking shelter underneath it.The ironic thing is most of the people who insist on selfishly using these golf umbrellas wouldn’t know the difference from a nine iron to a sand wedge, a bunker to a green.Of course there could be a legitimate reason behind some people’s insistence on using one of these contraptions, it’s called ‘rear end coverage.’ Yes, they’ve got a big ass, and maybe it sticks out a bit too much for a regular umbrella to keep it dry.I’m sure it must be very uncomfortable for anyone to go out in the rain to get their lunch and then have to sit down at their desk with a wet bum. You can get piles doing that!I reckon a lot of people will now run out to buy a regular size umbrella. Hey, want to have a bit of fun? Next time you see someone coming down the road with one of those tents, stop them, look behind them, and say “Aahh, that explains it, you need it for the rear-end coverage don’t you?”You can be sure the next time you see them they will have an umbrella the size of a post-it note over their head. Yes ladies, even men are self-conscious about the size of their gluteus maximus.Now for a little post-it note of my own my column last week attracted one particular reaction I thought I would respond to (and normally I don’t). This person wrote “You know what irritates me? Grumpy old people ... I can't believe the RG is paying someone to complain once a week about something they personally don't like. Get over it!”Now, I found this ironic ‘cause um, now let’s see if you understand the irony to this, you are writing to me and complaining about me complaining. Unless of course I hit on a nerve? You weren’t double parked outside KFC a couple of months ago were you? And let me tell you this, I don’t do it for the money. Believe me I do it because I get to annoy people like you. So, YOU get over it!