T<$>URN on your radio or television almost any day and there’s a good chance at least one news item will be airline related. “Thirty million bags mishandled last year,” reports a newscaster. “A 23 per cent increase over 2004” . . . “Fares expected to rise due to surging fuel prices” . . . “Ticket costs escalate because flight cutbacks cause seat shortages” . . . “Delta diverts planes to more profitable transatlantic flights, cutting domestic service.”

One day’s emphasis is on mediocre airport security, showing little improvement since 9-11.

“TSA (Transportation Security Administration) plans to cut bag screeners 78 per cent”. . . “Ten per cent of TSA staff out on disability” . . . “Southwest and US Airlines to eliminate peanuts” . . . “Airbus proposes stand-up seat configuration to Asian carriers”.

Somewhere during any given week one is certain to hear that all flights at a specific airport have been cancelled because someone slipped through security causing a total shutdown . . . was found with a gun in their carry-on . . . got into an altercation with staff they felt were unfairly targeting them for search . . . and on and on. Endless incidents.

Once on the plane and hopefully air-bound for your destination, another kind of chaos sets in. No, you have not entered a time warp. This is not the last helicopter lifting off the roof of a besieged American Embassy during the Vietnam War.

Nor is it rushing away evacuating a site about to be hit by a raging hurricane or invading army. Just an ordinary, everyday airport happening.

If you’re on an airline that doesn’t assign seats, it can resemble a replay of the Oklahoma land rush, as passengers trample each other to reach those valued aisle, window or emergency exit row seats.

Even when seats are assigned, there’s a mad dash to claim scarce overhead storage space, with some economy passengers attempting to leave their bags in first class storage areas.

That mysterious syndrome one so often encounters overseas in countries that ignore queuing is very present . . . the fear if you don’t get there before someone else, you’ll be left behind!

You know, the kind of experience atop Germany’s Jungfrau waiting for the cable car when you’re first to arrive, and pushed and shoved to such an extent you end up being among the last to board, refusing to display bad manners of fellow passengers.

In the lucky event you do have one of those treasured aisle, window or emergency exit seat assignments, it could have cost an extra $15 or more for the privilege. The pillow has already cost extra on many lines, despite the fact it’s unwashed and germy with enough mileage to qualify for elite frequent flyer status.

Soon they’ll probably add surcharges for oxygen. They’ve long since cut back on the amount of air brought into the plane and re-circulated, since that, too, affects fuel cost.

American airlines estimated they would earn somewhere between $30 million and $40 million fleet-wide by removing the now unused galleys in the back of their planes and replacing them with four more seats. Remember that campaign boasting about more leg room in economy? Certainly there would be no consideration of adding an additional loo.

So it’s unlikely food is in their future plans any time soon. Meanwhile, unhealthy high-fat, low-nutrition snacks are now being sold. And despite serious threats of deep vein thrombosis from being wedged into a sardine can for hours, you’re told not to get up and stand in the aisle or linger near the washroom door for security reasons.

Loyal passengers who have earned some sort of so-called elite status as frequent flyers find the possibility of both upgrades and award travel as rare as the whooping crane. Did you know it’s estimated somewhere around 14 trillion unclaimed miles are out there, shared by more than 160,000,000 members? And this journalist has heard some real horror stories about people who have come up against a brick wall trying to reclaim them.

Since I’ve been flexible time-wise and use them only to upgrade purchased tickets on overseas travel, that hasn’t been too major a problem yet. Although a call to reservations on June 5 found the first two . . . and only two . . . available upgrades to London were for October 24. Frankfurt upgrades were all gone through October.

The number of miles needed to upgrade to business on a purchased economy ticket is now 50,000 miles plus $500, and $10 more to make the reservation with a live person. Plus a British landing fee of over $30, depending on which cabin class you’re flying.

Those lucky enough to be in first class domestically soon learn the term has taken on new meaning. The drink of choice once presented to welcome those passengers aboard is rarely visible. Cocktails or dinner time now finds wine being poured as though glue is slowing the flow.If a flight is just a few minutes less than three hours, there is no meal in first class and likely just a small packet of pretzels or nuts. Example . . . on two recent American flights to Denver, a meal was served outward bound, but not returning since it was three minutes under three hours.An older friend with platinum status just returned via American from California and confided she wouldn’t be doing it again. She’d upgraded using paid-for stickers. When meal time arrived, she was asked if she wanted the Caesar salad for her meal.

“Is that the only choice? Usually you have two,” she politely responded, noticing that first class was not full and she was one of the first asked. The flight attendant’s response was one that should shock any frequent flyer that works hard on maintaining an elite status.

“You’re just an upgrade and don’t deserve it!” Incredible. Did they really say it that way I asked when our paths crossed again a week later to be sure I hadn’t misunderstood. “Absolutely . . . and they had a real attitude problem.” That attendant definitely needs more training.

When I passed that story on to a local travel agent friend, they were equally stunned and said, if they encountered such treatment, that would be the last time that airline would see the whites of their eyes.One<$> is definitely hearing more complaints from crew, understandably unhappy about deep cuts in both pay and vacation time, while some executives protect themselves very comfortably. So one can sympathise with flight attendants, reservations staff and so on who have been asked to give up much, including in some cases pensions.But, of course, so have passengers who now feel they’re having a Greyhound Bus experience rather than a sophisticated jet-set one. No insult intended to Greyhound — it’s probably an unfair comparison since they’re good at what they do and probably deliver more comfortable nowadays than the often steerage experience of some air travel.

A bank vice-president we know takes frequent brief trips to escape the pressures of a demanding job at his ever-expanding bank. The most recent one to Puerto Vallerta was an Apple Vacation trip advertised “non-stop” to a five-star property that utilised United Airlines as carrier.

Sure he would be on the beach by noon, the plane’s takeoff was delayed an hour and a half. Then it made an unscheduled stop in Albuquerque to refuel since fuel cost less there. Can you believe it?

Although the resort was fine, the trip in general received no praise from this individual who is a happy traveller, rarely complaining. Normally after one of his quick trips he’s so full of enthusiasm he becomes a walking commercial inspiring others to retrace his steps. In fact, it was his vocal applause for Estes Park, Colorado that helped inspire our two return trips there last year.

It’s estimated that somewhere around 205,000,000 passengers will be in the air this summer. It’s a chilling thought. And because carriers have found they can make more money on transatlantic flights than domestic routes, many American-based airlines are shifting planes onto those schedules, making space on domestic flights tighter and more expensive than ever.

Hopefully, you will not join the ranks of the unbelievable more than 700,000,000 disgruntled flyers filing claims against carriers for lost, damaged and wrongly-routed baggage last year, an increase of 23 per cent over 2004!

You’re in Brussels or Boston, your bags are mis-sent to Beirut, Beijing or Bulgaria. A great start for what’s supposed to be a relaxing vacation. If you’re lucky, they’ll be found, hopefully in one piece. But make absolutely every effort possible to carry essentials to prepare for the possibility.

You’ve heard all the slogans . . . every airline has its own personal “branding”. Of course, all just so much phone public relations. As the old saying goes, “No matter how you slice it, it’s still baloney.”

“We’re American Airlines and we know why you fly” is the one that’s like scraping a fingernail over a blackboard for this traveller. Twenty-five years ago when the airline originated the whole idea of a frequent flyer programme, we flew to St. Louis, stayed overnight at a Holiday Inn Holidome for no other reason than to meet American’s qualification for enrolling in the programme.

If it knows why I fly, as its commericals endlessly proclaim, it will understand why I’m not doing it now domestically. After 25 years and nearly two million miles of annoying family and friends with my relentless pursuit of frequent flyer miles, I’ve finally seen the light.

Yes, some of us are slow learners and there was a time pursuit of miles was worth the effort. But rules have changed and if the traveller is to be treated like part of a cattle round-up, why not head for New Mexico, Colorado or Montana and participate in a real one? But I’ll get there via train.

By the time you read this, I will have completed my second truly first-class adventure via rail in seven weeks, savouring eye-filling western scenery from the picture window of my comfortable bedroom, enjoying including meals and welcoming hospitality. It’s a surprising bargain, leisurely, hassle-free and after you read about it, something very worth trying. That series will be starting soon.

[obox] Next week: Revisiting King Tut