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The long and short of the size debate

Dear Dr Nekia,

Can you please put a popular and time old question to rest: does size matter?


I Want the Truth

Dear I Want the Truth,

When it comes to shoe sizes and hat sizes chances are it really would not matter much unless you have a difficult time finding things to wear. However, when it comes to the bedroom, much like the size of the bed, size is based on comfortable fit.

You will hear many people say that size does matter while others, especially those of the medical community, say that it does not.

The latter opinion is because, from an anatomical perspective, most men meet the minimal size requirement for penetration and conception to occur. Also, it is popularly taught among Tantrics that the female G-Spot does not require any great length to be stimulated since it sits a few inches within the vaginal opening. This allows for the ability of the woman to receive a pleasurable sensation even though a man may not be gifted with great size. With that being said, we still have those who do say that size matters because of their personal preferences. It cannot be disputed that size matters when it comes to the ability to stimulate certain areas of the vagina, but much of this can be accomplished with the knowledge of technique and positioning.

So I have told you what others say, and although I doubt that my answer will put this timeless question to rest, my answer is that size matters with individual preference.

As a whole, you may find that a great number of women are fascinated by larger-sized men much like you may find that a large number of men like their trucks, bikes, and power tools big.

It's the lure of the power behind big tools that attracts us (pun intended). However, for the best fit in any given situation, the size of both participants should be taken into consideration because it is not only men who vary in this department. Each lock has its perfectly sized key, and those who do not find this with their partner, can always find creative ways to jimmy the lock that will most certainly open the door to a rewarding experience for both.

Dear Dr Nekia,

I am dating a man that is a bit on the selfish side. No, let me be honest, he is very selfish at times. The funny thing is that he did not start off this way, and he used to be so generous and accommodating. I am beginning to question whether or not he cares for me at all. Could his selfishness be a sign that he is not longer really interested in me?


Dating Mr Selfish

Dear Dating Mr Selfish,

It is understandable that his change in behaviour towards you would lead to you question his true feelings, however there are some things that you should consider.

Like, are you being overcritical simply because you have become accustomed to him pleasing you?

Is he feeling like his wants are not being met which, in return, is causing him to withhold from you?

Are your expectations exceeding his current ability to provide for or cater to you as much as you would like?

If the answer to those questions is no, and you can honestly say that there are no contributory actions on your part, then it may be safe to assume that he is either a) settling into the relationship and slacking off on spoiling you, or that b) his feelings have changed. The latter may be temporary and based upon personal issues that do not directly involve you so it is important not to jump to conclusions without discussing things with him first. On the other hand, if it's the former, many men are aware that women are attracted to a generous man. Such generosity is not only a signal for us to take note that he may be able and willing to provide a comfortable life for us, but it also signals that his heart is open and that he is willing to put someone else before himself.

Both are important qualities in seeking a compatible long-term mate. Unfortunately, men are also taught to use this knowledge to woo us into bed or relationships knowing that the object of the game is only to get what they want.

This may simply be carnal pleasures, or the comfort of a relationship with you. Men tend to like sure things.

So whether it be a surety that they will get laid, or a surety that they can have an easy-going life with you, one thing you can be certain of is that they surely know that generosity with their time, money, gifts, attention or talents, is almost a guarantee that they will eventually get what they want.

Age old discussion: does size really matter in the bedroom? Dr Nekia answers your questions

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Published December 22, 2014 at 8:00 am (Updated December 21, 2014 at 11:49 pm)

The long and short of the size debate

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