Manuel Pacheco, 23, a worker with the Corporation of Hamilton, was killed on the Causeway as he attempted to make his way home after securing his boat.

After losing both her husband and her home in Hurricane Fabian last year, Monica Pacheco's life is now at a standstill. Once again, as she was in September 2003, the 23- year old mother is struggling to provide a stable home for her three- year-old son ZenPaul.

A recent fire at Mrs. Pacheco's family home on Mariners Lane in Spanish Point caused so much damage that she is now living with a close friend temporarily until it can be repaired.

Mrs. Pacheco was out on an errand with her sister Melanie when the fire started. A brave neighbour spotted the flames coming from the home and managed to rush into the building to rescue ZenPaul and Mrs. Pacheco's mother, Maria Carreiro. Both were rushed to hospital for treatment after inhaling smoke, and ZenPaul suffered a partially collapsed lung.

"It's been one thing after another," said Mrs. Pacheco. "I feel like I am stuck in a time zone that keeps replaying itself over and over again."

Mrs. Pacheco has been struggling to deal with the loss of her husband of three years, and provide for her son. And her terrible year has been made worse by the fact that bad luck seems to keep getting in the way.

Just two months after becoming a widow, Mrs. Pacheco lost her job with furniture store Rooms For You after it went into liquidation. She maintains that the bankrupt company still owes her and other employees thousands of dollars in unpaid wages.

Mrs. Pacheco is struggling financially to get by on a week to week basis from her paycheque as an airport security guard.

Since Manuel's death, Mrs. Pacheco said she has received an incredible amount of support and sympathy from the community, particularly the September 5 Foundation, but very little from Government.

She is critical of Premier Alex Scott for refusing help from the Royal Navy which had vessels in the area at the time the hurricane hit. If their offer of help had been accepted, Mrs. Pacheco believes divers may have located the bodies of all four victims, providing closure for the four families. "How can you turn away an offer of help from someone who is offering to help and has all the right equipment?" she questioned.

Before Fabian hit Mrs. Pacheco had lived in a one-bedroom apartment attached to her parent's three-bedroom apartment on Cottage Hill, Hamilton Parish, for 14 years. The hurricane destroyed the home leaving Mrs. Pacheco's family to find a new residence. Mrs. Pacheco went to seek assistance from the Bermuda Housing Corporation. Although she was put on an emergency list, after countless newspaper ads and articles, a month later she was still unable to find a home.

"In a situation like this I should have been at the top of the list," she said. "It was October and I still had to keep calling back for information."

Luckily the kind-hearted owner of the Clear View Guest Apartments provided her with a temporary place to stay.

Financially, Mrs. Pacheco said she does not know what she can do to improve her circumstances. Although strong-willed and practical by nature Mrs. Pacheco is fearful for herself and ZenPaul. "I want to better my life so I can give him more, I just want to be able to give him everything he needs," she said.

Last year Mrs. Pacheco spoke about her loss to both The Royal Gazette and the Bermuda Sun, doubting that she could ever go on unless Manuel's body was found. Over time she has come to accept that he may never be buried. The support of friends and family and people who knew Manuel gave her the will to go on. However, quietly dealing with her grief also earned Mrs. Pacheco's criticism from the community for her "pull it together" reaction.

"Some people said I had no sympathy but I felt that if I broke down I would have been no use to anyone, I had a three year old to take care of and for him I needed to stay strong."

These days, what she misses most about her husband are his playful antics, the way he used to sing, the sound of his voice and the love he had for ZenPaul, who is growing up to look just like his father.

"He was the kind of person who was outgoing and rough," she laughs. "He had a lot of friends, he was well-known and well-liked for someone who had only been here for three years. People would stop and say I knew your husband, I didn't know them but I thanked them."

In the year ahead Mrs. Pacheco hopes to get her life in order and, like all mothers, her dream is to have her son grow up and thrive.

"I want to make something of myself, to get a good start for his sake. I'm not materialistic; I want him to have a roof over his head and to be taken care of. For me, it's all that matters now."