The Non-Mariners Race?s non-trophy ? the brass spigot, has been stolen.

The last time the spigot was seen was after the prize-giving ceremony at the Sandys Boat Club last Sunday. Twenty-time race winners White Heron were celebrating after receiving their prize when it disappeared.

White Heron non-captain Paul Maccoy, said he spoke on behalf of his non-crew, when he called the theft ?despicable?.

?Quite frankly we were non-shocked to find that someone would non-stoop to such a low down, dirty, non-deed as to steal the brass spigot non-trophy of the Non-Mariner?s race,? Mr. Maccoy said yesterday.

?It is indicative of the collapse of the social non-fabric of our non-society today, and the perpetrators of this despicable non-act should be non-apprehended, brought to justice, and then be soundly non-thrashed with a wet kipper.

?We can only non-assume that these non-villains hope, by this piece of non-nefarious skulduggery, to non-snatch a non-victory in next year?s non-event,? he fumed.

?This being the case, we can only gawk in helpless non-admiration, and non-salute them for an effort non-worthy of the Non-White Heron ourselves.?

But the skipper stopped short at offering a reward for the spigot.

?We do wish to take the opportunity, so kindly afforded by your non-paper, to make an earnest personal plea to those non-responsible,? he said. ?You are very naughty and should give it back. We are confident that they will now non-see the non-error of their non-ways, and that the missing trophy will soon be non-returned.?

Attempts to contact the spigot thieves were unsuccessful.