New Yorker Linda Bean could not stop the tears yesterday when she relived the moment she heard about the horrific terrorist attacks on her home city.

The personal secretary moved to Bermuda from New York eight years ago, but has visited regularly to see her parents and other close relatives.

Yesterday, four days after the attack, she said she still felt totally depressed about the sad affair. And although she only wanted to be with her family to share the trauma, she said she was now afraid of returning to the city she has always called home.

"All of my family are in New York, but I could not get through to them until the early hours of the next day - one or two in the morning," she said.

"Once I heard their voices, it was a big relief, but now I just want to be around my family, or other Americans, because that makes me feeler closer to home."

Mrs. Bean, who is married to a Bermudian and has a nine-year-old daughter, said one of her best friends works in a building close to where the twin towers were.

She said when the towers collapsed, buildings around shook.

"I used to work in Wall Street for American International Group, so I know that area very well. I feel so depressed, I just can't believe what has happened."

Mrs. Bean broke down and cried as she told how she stayed home on Wednesday from her job at Hamilton Fire Station.

And she said she felt so alone in Bermuda because there were few Americans.

"I have even called the US Consul because I needed to speak to someone from home," she added.

"My husband is here, and we have a nine-year-old, but home is home. I have cried to them.

"I have been calling my father for encouragement. My family have just said `please pray'. That's the only thing left to do."

Mrs. Bean said she had recently spoken to her father about her and her husband's plans for the future.

She said they knew that living in Bermuda as seniors would be expensive, so had considered moving to New York.

However, that has now changed.

"I told my daddy that I was wondering what to do," she said.

"But now I think I know the answer. I feel a little safer here. I don't even know when I will go back to New York. I'm scared. But then that feels wrong because my loved ones are over there. I feel torn between the two."

The one thing Mrs. Bean was clear on was the fact that she did not want the US to go to war over the terrorist attacks.

She added: "Two wrongs don't make a right. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to work out that if we retaliate it will only lead to a greater loss in life."