Most of us that are parents can remember being punished as children. Many of us do not hold such memories in high regard and in some cases we may even question whether the "punishment'' we received did not border on abuse.

In light of such memories and with the theme of this special issue in mind, an outline is offered to define some of the basic differences between punishment and discipline and the resulting consequences.

When our children receive discipline from us they can learn to evaluate their behaviour. They can still have their needs met in a responsible way.

Discipline leaves our children feeling worthwhile and with a feeling of being able to correct their behaviour.

Punishment involves pain following an act that is disapproved of by others.

This pain can be physical, mental or emotional. Punishment can block our involvement with others and tends to promote compliance, not commitment. If it teaches anything at all it teaches the child what not to do and can stem from another's desire to manipulate and "show who is boss''.

Consequences are never arbitrary and while they are not a surprise, they are applied immediately for a present behaviour. They seek to nurture commitment and are a direct result of a special behaviour. As much as possible, consequences are logical and strive to enhance learning by teaching what we want done.

Children may not like consequences the adults strive to ensure. Adults need to strive for consequences which are not physically, mentally or emotionally harmful to children and are applied only until the problem is resolved or worked out.

Children are counting on us to see they encounter consequences as consistently and rationally as possible.

Consequences and discipline may take more time and forethought on the part of the parent initially; however, the positive effects of such planning may reap benefits for our families and society that are immeasurable.

Michael C. McDonough Ed.D is a licensed clinical psychologist at Ashton Associates.

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