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“No we cannot go down to the store and get a dog.” I’ve said that so many times in the past six months, I must say it in my sleep. The dog conversation happens over breakfast, lunch and dinner and fills every minute in between. “Mummy, could we go d...

“So what do you do for fun?” I asked my new friend. “Oh, I straighten my kitchen,” she replied. Straightening does not sound like much of a hobby. Was this woman joshing with me? Nope. She was serious; she got a thrill from straightening forks. Oka...

I know what Rumpelstiltskin did when his spinning straw into gold deal went bust, he started a line of children’s socks and sweaters. These things have to be stitched by someone with a heart of stone. I was thinking this standing in a department stor...

I have a confession to make. You know that school that holds up traffic every morning? My child goes there. Here is an inside look at what goes wrong, from the inner workings of the school driveway. Basically, the problem is uber parents, mostly ub...

When I heard my daughter wanted to have a boy over to play I rushed out and bought a soccer ball. I thought it was essential. Surely he wouldn’t find anything interesting in her sea of Barbie dolls and dress-up clothes. I went to a single-sex school;...

On the first day of school my daughter came home with an athletic contract. How is it even legal to make an eight-year-old sign on the dotted line? The contract was a bit of a surprise since my daughter isn’t on any sports team. I assume it was for ...

Molly, flower, Jane, down there ... When I was a child my mother had all sorts of euphemisms for your private parts. Yes, I’m sticking with private parts here. When I had my own daughter, I wanted to be more open and modern. I wanted to use the V wo...

By Slacker Mom The teacher on the other end of the phone said: “Don’t be alarmed Mrs Slacker, but I just found your daughter smooching in the bathroom with Tommy. At least I think that’s what they were doing. They were standing very close. We have a ...

Whenever my in-laws tried to take my daughter fishing this summer it bucketed with rain. She eventually solved the problem herself by fishing one of the guppies out of my parents’ fish pond with her bare hands. I discovered its little guppy head squ...

“Dogs are just like children, you have to give them a firm hand and lots of discipline,” the store lady said. She looked pointedly at the two children giggling loudly behind me. This was day four of a weeklong vacation with my eight-year-old daughte...