Growing up, many men hear messages like: “Man up,” “Don’t cry,” “Handle it yourself,” and “Don’t be a punk.”

They begin early and are passed down in homes, among friends, on sports fields and in everyday conversations.

Over time, they can shape how Bermuda’s men think about emotions, relationships and what it means to be strong.

The message is often simple: deal with your problems privately and keep moving.

But according to psychologist Leonard Astwood, this mindset can take a toll.

Dr Astwood has spent more than three decades helping people navigate life’s challenges. He has worked extensively with government departments, Family Centre and private counselling agencies across Bermuda. His extensive experience allows him to understand the unique pressures that local men face — and how those pressures deeply impact mental health.

Bottling things up

For many men, the emotions society accepts are sharply limited — and the emotions it rejects are often deeply buried.

“Men are allowed to feel anger. That’s OK,” Dr Astwood explained.

“It’s manly, it’s masculine. Happiness is masculine, but things like hurt, sadness, depression — those kinds of things are not manly.”

The result? Men often learn to hide difficult feelings rather than process them.

“Men hear things like ‘don’t be a punk’, so we don't deal with things that bother us,” Dr Astwood said. “As a result, we push down feelings.”

The problem, though, is that emotions do not simply disappear.

“They often come back in different forms,” he noted. Men may feel frustration, distance in relationships, or anger — but many fail to connect those emotions to deeper hurts that remain unresolved. And sometimes, they don’t just feel it emotionally. They feel it physically.

Physical symptoms

When people consider mental health struggles, they often focus on emotions like sadness, depression and anxiety.

But Dr Astwood said unresolved stress also frequently affects physical health, sometimes in significant ways.

“I can't say that it only affects emotional or mental health,” Dr Astwood remarked. “Those kinds of things take a toll on the body as well.”

Cardiovascular issues, high blood pressure, headaches, poor sleep and exhaustion are common symptoms that can result from emotional stress.

“High blood pressure, for example, is very common on the island,” he said. “We have a genetic component, but it can be exacerbated by unresolved stress.”

Stress doesn’t always announce itself loudly. It can arrive quietly, masked as physical ailments or slow-burning fatigue.

The Bermuda pressure cooker

It is undeniably beautiful in Bermuda, but living here brings challenges including the high cost of living, family responsibilities, work demands, financial stress and time pressure.

Dr Astwood said the societal expectations of men only make these pressures greater.

“There are pressures in terms of needing to fulfil roles in the family or within a relationship,” he said.

Bermuda’s economic realities add another layer of difficulty. Unlike earlier generations, men today face greater challenges in fulfilling traditional roles such as building or owning homes, even when those roles feel deeply ingrained in their identity.

“Even to purchase a home,” Dr Astwood explained. “Unless you’re making a lot of money, you're not always in a position to be able to do that.”

These struggles don’t just impact financial stability. They can also quietly chip away at a man’s self-esteem and confidence.

Numbing through alcohol or drugs

When pain becomes overwhelming, many men turn to escape.

One of Dr Astwood’s biggest concerns is abuse of substances like alcohol or marijuana. It’s often not because men want to lose control — it’s because they’re searching for temporary relief.

“There’s a degree of numbing that goes on,” Dr Astwood said.

But numbing and healing are two very different things.

“The unfortunate thing about that numbing is that your brain and your body never get to do the work that will ease that pain.

He pointed to grief as an example.

“If somebody is dealing with grief and they’re using substances in order to manage that grief, they actually prolong the grief process.”

Pain pushed away remains unhealed, waiting for when it resurfaces again.

What struggling can look like

Many people expect emotional struggles to look dramatic, but in most cases, the signs are quieter. “There may be a change in behaviour,” Dr Astwood explained.

“A man who was once outgoing becomes withdrawn. He isolates himself, stops talking or pulls away.”

Loved ones often notice subtle changes in behaviour long before men express what they’re feeling out loud.

Bermuda’s size can be a blessing, but also a burden. Everybody seems to know everybody, so many men avoid seeking help in case they are recognised, judged or gossiped about.

Dr Astwood argued the reality is different.

“Your counsellor is not in your personal social space,” he explained. “They don’t live in the home with you. They don’t attend parties with you.”

That distance allows men to speak freely without the fear that their private conversations will leak into their public lives. Counsellors are also bound by professional codes of conduct and strict confidentiality standards. Personal information shared during sessions remains private and protected.

Signs of change

There’s hopeful news.

Dr Astwood has noticed more young men seeking support compared to earlier decades. Many of his clients are in their twenties and thirties and say they feel the benefits of talking openly about their challenges.

“We’ve seen progress,” Dr Astwood said. “Organisations aimed at supporting men specifically, like MASC, have emerged, creating safe spaces and breaking stigma.”

The pace is gradual, but meaningful. Slowly, conversations about masculinity and mental health are evolving.

Redefining strength

After decades of guiding men through life’s struggles, Dr Astwood believes true strength isn’t defined by toughness. It’s defined by connection.

Too often, men isolate themselves when life becomes overwhelming. They pull back, get busy, or convince themselves they can handle everything alone. But this silence creates heavier burdens over time, rather than easing them.

Having the courage to reach out — to a trusted friend, family member, mentor or counsellor — is one of the bravest and healthiest moves a man can make.

If you feel weighed down or overwhelmed, you don’t have to carry the burden alone.