Travis Lightbourn has one important resolution for 2009: to return to Bermuda and finally meet the young son of his murdered brother.

The 25-year-old former CedarBridge Academy student was brought up in Smith's along with brother Garrow (Trevor) Lightbourn Jr. but has not been back to the Island for years after settling in the States.

On January 27 last year, Trevor was shot dead by his and Travis' cousin Cornell Shawell in Pottstown, Pennsylvania. Shawell has admitted murder and will be sentenced next month.

Travis, who lives in Pottstown, told The Royal Gazette his dearest wish for the coming year was to come back to the Island and meet two-year-old Ayinde Bulford, one of the two children his brother left behind.

Trevor's daughter Tistara, who was just two-months-old when he was killed, lives in Pennsylvania.

"To this day I have never met my nephew and I won't meet my nephew until I come to Bermuda," said Travis. "Sometimes I just think about when I come to Bermuda and I finally get to meet my nephew and my brother won't be there to introduce us. When I think about that, I cry."

Remembering the day he was told of his nephew's birth, the Taco Bell assistant manager said: "I got this good feeling in my stomach. I felt connected to him. But I have never to this day seen him to his face."

He added: "I'll be back and it will probably be before April or May. I'm looking forward to that. I have a lot of friends I haven't seen."

Shawell shot Trevor in the chest in what prosectors claim was a row over money. The 29-year-old pleaded guilty to charges of third-degree murder, possessing an instrument of crime and flight to avoid apprehension and faces a jail term of between 26 and 52 years.

Trevor and Travis' father Garrow (Trevor) Lightbourn Sr. told this newspaper last month he wanted Shawell to be jailed for life, despite still having "some love" for the man he "practically raised".

"There is a risk of Cornell coming out and doing this all over again," said Mr. Lightbourn Sr. "I'm not only thinking about my family but the people who stay in America as a whole."

Travis said he too still loved his "favourite cousin" and was struggling to find inner peace over a murder which has torn his family apart.

"I just have to leave it up to God," he said. "I'm tired of crying about it. I do love him but do I want to see him free? Eventually, one day, but right now it's just too soon. I need time to grieve.

"Everyone is confused. It's just such a confusing thing to even experience. A lot of people are grieving. It was hard for me and Cornell's sister. Everybody's grieving but for some people it's a direct hit."

He said his brother and Shawell were best friends, making the murder incomprehensible. "When I found out my brother got shot, the very first thing I said was 'I know my cousin Cornell is going to snap or be very upset when he finds out'. Five minutes later I found out he was the one who shot my brother."

Travis said he had seen Shawell just once since the slaying, in an interview room before a court hearing.

"I walked in and he started crying. The officers took him out of the interview room and into the court. They asked me to come out and said that was enough time but that was not enough time. No offence to Cornell but this man has killed my brother."