Dear Annie: I work in a large high school. Our dress code is fairly relaxed, but we are expected to show good taste — nothing skimpy, no short skirts, no underwear showing, etc.

This unwritten code is followed by most of the employees, with the glaring exception of one co-worker. "Rita" is in her late 40s and extremely buxom. Although she is fairly attractive, she wears everything very tight, short and skimpy. You can tell she spends time putting her outfits together, but I often fear she's going to "pop" right out of them. Rita is a lovely person, very helpful and fun to be around, but her style is an embarrassment. I think she's attempting to hold on to her youth by dressing like the young girls in our school.

My opinion has been echoed by several others. I hate to hear others mocking her because of her clothing. I am friendly with Rita, but haven't the slightest idea how to broach the subject with her. I don't believe the school principal has addressed it with her, although I know there have been others whose style was not so extreme and who were told to dress more modestly. Should I do anything? — Puzzled and Concerned

Dear Puzzled: If your school has a dress code, relaxed or not, it should be specific enough so teachers don't have to guess what is proper attire, and so those who do not comply can be notified by the administration. Either the school considers Rita's clothes to be acceptable or no one in authority is willing to address it. If you think her outfits are unflattering or inappropriate, you can approach her as a friend and suggest she'd look better in a different style, but it's up to you.

Dear Annie: I have a wonderful circle of friends, and we get together once a month. However, every so often, one of the women hosts a ladies party. When I say party, I mean Tupperware, jewellery, stoneware, housewares, etc.

We are all in our late 50s, and I am trying to get rid of stuff, not acquire more. I have run out of excuses for not going. Is there any way to let these women know enough is enough? — ARYC

Dear ARYC: You can attend these parties and not buy anything (in which case, they will eventually stop inviting you). Or, you can simply respond to such invitations by saying, "Sorry. I am not in the market for any more things, no matter how lovely."

Dear Annie: A recent letter about the husband afflicted with Asperger's was the first time I had ever seen a reference to it in print, and I believe someone I know has this disorder. He is extremely intelligent, but clueless as to others' perceptions about him, and he becomes defensive if anyone says anything about his inappropriate communication.

Could you provide additional information so those with Asperger's might recognise themselves? — No Name, No City

Dear No Name: According to the Mayo Clinic, signs of Asperger's include engaging in one-sided, long-winded conversations, without noticing if the listener is listening; displaying unusual non-verbal communication, such as lack of eye contact or awkward body postures and gestures; showing an intense obsession with one or two specific, narrow subjects, such as baseball statistics or train schedules; appearing not to understand or be sensitive to others' feelings; speaking in a voice that is monotonous, rigid or unusually fast; moving clumsily, with poor coordination.

Treatment often involves cognitive behaviour therapy and social skills training. For information, contact the Autism Society of America (autism-society.org) at 1-800-3AUTISM (1-800-328-8476); MAAP Services for Autism and Asperger Syndrome (maapservices.org), P.O. Box 524, Crown Point, Indiana 46308; or Families of Adults Affected by Asperger's Syndrome (www.faaas.org), P.O. Box 514, Centerville, MA 02632.