Dear Annie: I've been married over 25 years and have three terrific children. Three years ago, my wife found out she has cancer. She went through all the treatments, and although the doctors say her original cancer is gone, she still needs to come in for more tests to see if cancer has since developed elsewhere. She won't go.

She seems better mentally and physically, but I'm at my wits' end. There is no sex drive from her whatsoever, and if I mention it or try to initiate sex, she's co-operative, but there is no emotion or sensuality. It's like a chore to her.

I'm a well-known citizen in my town, but it's getting harder to stay married. I'm afraid it will look bad to leave her, and I'm not sure my children will understand. I've met other women and enjoyed the attention. I know I can find someone to satisfy me emotionally and physically.

Our house is clean, there is food on the table, bills are paid, but I'm not happy. There is no time for counselling, plus we're long past talking about her lack of libido. How can I walk away on good terms? — Dilemma in the Midwest

Dear Dilemma: Your wife of 25 years develops cancer, is probably going through menopause, and although you are intimate, she isn't as gung-ho about it as you'd like. You decide to leave because you can't make time for counseling. You're right — it will look bad, and your children will never forgive you.

If you really wanted to save your marriage, you'd make time for counselling, but it's obvious you are only looking for a way out that will not wreck your stellar reputation. So you need to give the impression that you're making an effort. Go for counselling. Allow your wife the opportunity to work on this. Marriage is not all about you.

Dear Annie: My mother, 74, lives in another city and delights in criticising family members, friends and everyone except strangers. Yesterday, while chatting on the phone, she told me my nephew's girlfriend answered questions with "Naw," instead of the proper "No," so she rudely and sarcastically corrected her. Mom said this while laughing and expected me to laugh along.

She has always been like this. No one measures up. We were raised to never criticise her, since the consequence is days of sulking and revenge. Even my long-suffering, spineless father follows this policy. How do we handle her? — Disgusted

Dear Disgusted: People like your mother need to constantly prove their superiority because they are secretly afraid they don't measure up. It's probably too late to change her, but at the very least, when she behaves rudely, you can express your disagreement. If she sulks for a week, so be it.

Dear Annie: I usually love your advice, but the response to "Shutter Shy" was out of line. She said her parents were always pestering her to "show her teeth." How that woman smiles is nobody's business, and her family is wrong to try and force a change. It would be nice if everyone had a great smile, but spending several thousand dollars on one's appearance isn't always a viable option.

Please rethink this one, Annie. — Lisa in Tennessee

Dear Lisa: We agree that no one should be forced to smile. It looks unnatural. However, we also know that if you are embarrassed by your smile, it can affect everything in your life — including your relationships, your work, your attitude and your emotional health. For those who are content with their smile, it's fine with us. But for those who spend a good portion of their lives wishing it were otherwise, they should know there are options.

Annie's Snippet for Labor Day (credit Bill Dodds): "Labor Day is a glorious holiday because your child will be going back to school the next day. It would have been called Independence Day, but that name was already taken."