Dear Annie: My younger sister, “Tara”, has basically cut off all ties with our family, because she has somehow convinced herself that my brother and I committed unforgivable acts toward her when she was a child.I never did the things I was accused of, but I can’t speak for my brother. He’s always had a problem with the truth, even when there are no consequences to speak of. Due to previous incidents with women and his lack of social graces, I can easily believe that he did something to my sister.

Tara would never agree to get counselling. I’m sure she would rather just go her own way and forget about us, and if it weren’t for her daughter, most of us would be tempted to let her. But I love my niece and would like to restore some kind of family harmony. I am more than willing to help Tara in any way I can, but I’m really tired of being blamed for someone else’s misdeeds. So, how do we get to the truth? — Not Guilt>Dear Not Guilty: You may never find it. For your sister, the truth is less important than her perception of it. A reputable therapist could help her come to terms with this, but since she won’t consider therapy, you may not be able to reach her. Write Tara a letter and express your sympathy for her suffering, ask what you can do to help, and tell her you love her. If she doesn’t respond, the best you can hope for is that time will make her reconsideB>

Dear Annie: <$>I’ve been married to “Dave” for three years. He is a kind, courteous person and a hard worker, but I can’t get him to do anything with me.I am an outgoing person and have joined many organisations and met many people. I enjoy fishing, hunting, boating, hiking and travelling. It’s like pulling teeth to get Dave to spend time with me, so I end up doing these things by myself. But it gets very lonely. Dave likes to work on cars, and I even suggested we get an old beater and fix it up together, but he said no.

When we are intimate, I don’t feel close to him. I do it just to get it over with. Dave tells me he would do more with me if we had sex more often. I tell Dave that if he’d do more with me, we’d have more sex. We saw a marriage counsellor a year ago. Dave was more cooperative, and I tried anti-depressants, but his support only lasted a few months. I love him, but is this the way married couples are supposed to be? — Lonely and Neglec<$>Dear Lonely: No. You sound like two people circling each other. Dave does not have to share all your interests. It’s OK for you to do many of these things without him and vice versa. The problem is, you resent it and he doesn’t care. Without an attitude adjustment, things will get worse. Go back to your counsellor, or find a new one — with or without Dave — and figure out what you are willing to.

Dear Annie: <$>Your answer to “Holding My Nose” was absolutely correct. When I was 12, I went to the hairdresser, and she politely asked me if I knew how to use deodorant. I was very embarrassed because I did not realise I had body odour. My mother had died two years earlier, and my father believed bathing once a week was enough. Going through puberty brought about a lot of changes, but I was unaware of them.

To this day, I remember the woman’s courage in speaking up. It brought embarrassment at the time, but now I think of how insightful and compassionate she was. It literally changed my life. — Grateful for a Stranger’s Compassion

Dear Grateful: These subjects can be difficult to discuss, but a willingness to do so can be immeasurably helpful. We’re glad you were receptive.