May 19, 2004

Dear Sir,

You should be the first to know: I have added two items to my CV, which cannot fail to impress the Bermuda Hospitals Board. (You see I am submitting an application for Director of Imaging, which is the new facility dealing with radiography, ultrasound and MRI ). The first is that I have attended Harvard University... Well Sir I really did. I mean I really, really did, several times last year, as a patient of the Mass. General Hospital, which as we all know is part of Harvard University.

The second is that as a direct consequence of my attendance at this illustrious seat of learning, and indeed teaching Hospital of excellence, I have acquired an in depth knowledge of these diagnostic procedures. Well Sir, I did, I mean I really, really did! I spent so long in waiting areas with textbooks I had borrowed from the library, I have taught myself all anyone else knows on the subject, and Sir... I am willing to pass my knowledge on to Bermudians... What more could the BHB ask for in a candidate?

Oh! And by the way Sir! If anyone should question why I did not formally enrol in an IT (Imaging Technology) degree at Harvard, I should inform you Sir that I am sitting on the highest of moral ground here. You see, as you well know, I have always been against Bush's war in Iraq. I even marched passed the American Consulate here in Bermuda.

Now you and I both know how Republican the ancient institution of Harvard is?. All those Republican teaching professors! Out of protest against the war Sir, I refused to enrol myself officially in any degree course? I mean in all honesty Sir, if George Bush tells his nation he is going into Iraq to "Kick butt!", how can he be surprised when members of the military carry out his command to the naked letter! Is he not the Supreme Commander of the US Armed Forces?

Enough of the noise

May 24, 2004

Dear Sir,

I would like to take this opportunity to publicly thank Gilbert Lopes for shattering the peace and quiet of our neighbourhood. What would otherwise have been quiet evenings, Sundays and the May 24 holiday have now been transformed into a symphony of machinery, sawing, swearing and shouting as yet more condominiums go up. I never really liked to sit outdoors during the hot summer evenings anyway, and the idea of eating our barbecued dinner on our patio used to fill me with horror. I must say, though, that the ever-present film of construction dust that we have lived with for quite some time now does add a certain texture and flavour to otherwise very bland food.

I must also thank him for the extremely large crane, which now is sporting a sizeable NASCAR flag. It hovers, swaying in the breeze, over our house. It adds a delightful sort of "trailer park" atmosphere. But he is also generous with weekends and evenings, sometimes treating us to Auschwitz-like lighting shining into our windows until the wee hours, and workers merrily toiling (loudly) until well past 9.30 at night. Heaven forbid that anyone in the neighbourhood has small children to put to bed, or have a favourite television programme that they want to watch. Enough, Mr. Lopes! With shattered nerves and eardrums.

Making Bermuda ugly

May 21, 2004

Dear Sir,

I have been quite distressed lately to see what is happening to our once beautiful, unspoiled island. It seems as though Government, Belco and various landscapers, builders and architects and other individuals are trying to make us ugly!

1. Spittal Pond Park is not open yet, but there is still a small area where people can and do walk. It is most distressing to see all the garbage that certain people throw on the ground, sometimes when there is a trash can within ten feet! Plastic and glass bottles, soda cans, styrofoam containers and cigarette packages are amongst the refuse that I have picked up on my way. I even once found a large paper bag full of trash leaning against a tree! Apparently our littering laws are completely meaningless.

2. It isn't only ignorant, uncaring individuals that are spoiling the countryside. Yesterday, Belco came up our small lane with their huge vehicles, making it almost impassable. I was just able to get to my house, fortunately. It happened to be my day off and I had planned to do laundry, bathe the dog, vacuum the floors, etc. I could do none of that for three hours as my electricity went off, with no warning whatsoever. Finally when it came back on I was horrified to see the finished product of the Belco workmen. New poles have been installed on our little road ? poles that practically reach up to the sky!

Then to add insult to injury a very thick black cable has been strung from the tops of them, totally ruining our view of the ocean. There were poles and wires there before, but they were low enough down that the background of Spittal Pond was behind them and they did not notice as much. My neighbours and I are now faced with the fact that in one morning Belco managed to devalue our houses considerably! Why on earth would Belco do that? (When I called Belco I was put through to someone who was not in the office and would be back on "Tuesday".)

3. I can't imagine who is in charge of the "pruning" of the palm trees along the stretch of the South Shore Road between Pampas Drive and Greenview Lane in Smith's Parish. I realise they needed thinning out, but why not cut them down completely? As it is, there are three to four foot stumps all along the roadway ? a lovely sight for our tourists, I don't think!

These are just a few examples of the type of actions that seem to be all too common lately. What happened to "Keep Bermuda Beautiful"?

Tidy up taxi dispatchers

May 24, 2004

Dear Sir,

Is it any wonder there is a drink drive problem on this island? This is a problem that will never go away while there is a lack of available taxis in the evenings. Two phone calls last night to try and get a taxi to take us home to Southampton from town. A polite request, could I please have a taxi at the Dinghy Club? The response was a "Yup" and then the phone went down. Of course, we waited for a good hour before the penny dropped and realised that no taxi was going to be coming our way. We then decided to start walking and stopped off at one of the hotels on the way home, had a quick drink and again ordered a taxi. Again, the response was a "Yup" and the phone went down.

Of course this time we realised that no taxi was going to turn up as they hadn't even bothered to ask us where we were going, so we started on foot down Middle Road for the long trek home. Fortunately after about half an hour a taxi with a light on went past and we were able to jump on board and were taken home (much to the relief of my poor blistered feet!).

This is not so much a gripe at the taxi drivers but at the controllers at the end of the phone ? it wouldn't hurt to give the customer an indication of whether or not they were realistically going to get a taxi home that night or even how long it would be before a taxi would be available. With the attitude of these taxi dispatchers, drink driving will prevail throughout Bermuda and cases of violence against people walking the streets attempting to get home will continue (Rebecca Middleton ? a case in point).

The people at the end of the phone are our first point of contact ? at least give us an indication of whether or not we can expect a taxi and just how long the wait will be rather than a "yup" and then put the phone down.

Or better still, don't bother picking the phone up at all if it's too much effort to explain that nothing is available, at least there will be no false hopes and the long trek home can start immediately rather than waiting an hour before the penny drops that you'd better start walking right away ? it won't be long before I'm hitting the town in trainers to ensure a comfortable walk home!

An observation

May 13, 2004

Dear Sir,

While visiting friends over the weekend I had to chuckle in disgust when we were reading the newspapers and had a look at the classified ads. There were a couple of adverts seeking a Live-in Caregiver/Cook/Housekeeper. Although each advert was somewhat different, what boggled me were the extensive and diversified responsibilities expected of the successful recipient.

For example, one advert states that the duties of the employee will include, but not be limited to, acting as a live-in caregiver, cook and housekeeper and shall include all housework, cleaning, laundry, shopping and meal preparation. Another advert stated that the successfull employee should also be familiar with care of household pets.

Yet another required the person to take the children to school and retrieve them at the end of the day. Still another advert suggested that the person must be a trustworthy, energetic, responsible and nurturing individual. In addition to all of this, the applicant must be a non-smoker, be willing to work late nights and weekends, or to be on-call 24 hours a day. Even in the days of slavery, each of these tasks were assigned to particular individuals ? often with severe consequences if offenders were to be caught in an area of the household which was outside of their 'expertise'. It seems as if the successful applicant in these situations would have to be a better wife, mother, friend and confidant than the 'lady of the house'.

In any case, I realised that I know the individual who is more than capable to do any of these jobs. She has all of the qualifications required and plenty of years of experience to boot. I've decided to clip and send these adverts to my mother, even if this means that our family would never see her and she wouldn't be able to attend to any of our family gatherings or events ? she'd be entirely too tired ? but at least she would be busy and, I assume, making loads of money.

An apology is warranted

May 19, 2004

Dear Sir,

I would like to respond to the article in today's with regard a cancer patient receiving medical attention by both former Dr. Jonathan Murry and currently by Dr. Robert Vallis. I totally disagree with the lady's angry comments with regard Dr. Vallis as I, too, am a recovering cancer patient under the care of Dr. Vallis and also a past patient of Dr. Murray in Dr. Vallis' short absence from practice.

I am extremely comfortable and pleased with Dr. Vallis under his care and, with his expertise and gentle nature, he, in my opinion, is one of our stars in the medical field in Bermuda. I will also mention that he is well known to specialists at Mass. Gen. Hospital in Boston where I was initially treated for ten-and-a-half weeks in 1993 and his work was highly regarded by them. Pricewise, he is no different from any other specialist both locally and overseas. I find the lady's comments about Dr. Vallis very uncalled for, damaging and nasty and, in my view, an apology to Dr. Vallis is warranted.